Guys from Bama have a special appreciation of New York City. We would quietly admit, in mixed company, that we'd really like to throw some Roll Tide jerseys into a bag with some underwear, put a case of beer into a cooler, and get a roadmap to drive all the way to New York City. We don't want to stay too long, or really become familiar with the city. We'd just like to visit for a couple of days....visit some guys like George on Seinfeld, and meet some cool chicks like they had on Friends.
So we pay attention to events in New York City.
This week....they had an atempted bank robbery.
The robber dude came in....fairly well dressed....a tie and suit, with dark Ray-band glasses.
He comes up to the teller and passes some note, that basically says he wants 100s, 50s, 20s, and he'll start shooting if you don't react.
Well....it's an interesting thing.
The robber didn't really know it, but this lady clerk he picked....she wasn't from New York City. Journalists won't say what state she hails from....but she just ain't a local.
So things take a turn here. Being in the bank teller field.....you really don't expect life-ending situations to occur. This gal, and we can only assume she is likely from some southern state, freaks out after reading the note.
She starts screaming and going into some kind of panic attack. The robber? Well....he didn't really expect that attitude. He tried to raise his finger and let her know that it'd be better to just be quiet. That didn't help much.
By this point, she running from her cage area to the other side of the room and hiding under a desk.
There's this pause for the robber. You can sense some frustration here. There's probably about twenty seconds of silence here. He's likely thinking....damn, most New York City gals would just flip the money over and I'd be walking out with four thousands dollars right now.
At this point, he makes a fairly wise decision. Retreat.
Cops have a mighty fine picture of the guy, released to the papers, and taking up a three inch by six inch space. Sadly, he's walking on borrowed time right now, and trying hard to stay out of sight.
The gal? I'm guessing that the bank guys are giving her a day off to chill and relax. They probably appreciate the fact that they didn't lose any money. Everyone is looking at this tactic now....and wondering if freaking out....ought to be norm. The problem is....most all New York City folks are pretty stern and tough individuals. You'd have to bring in some Bama folks and change cultural perceptions. Just some advice from a Bama guy.
Sunday, 19 May 2013
Saturday, 18 May 2013
The Prayer Question
Among the various groups that IRS decided to mess with in this latest scandal....there was one that had a religious connection of sorts.
So in the questions developed and sent back to the organization.....was this information request...."Please detail the content of the members of your organization’s prayers."
You can imagine the manager and the accountant sitting there....it was a group in Iowa, and just pondering the necessity of listing content of prayers.
In Bama, we would sat there for a long while, and then listed our prayer...in typical Bama-fashion.
Dear God
We ask you to send your angels to the IRS and help bring them to their senses.
We ask you to lift their blindness and give the IRS people sight.
We ask you to take the child-like ways of the IRS, and bring them into the world of maturity.
We ask you to take the devil in each IRS technician, and cast that devil out.
We ask you to lay your hands upon their incompetence, and give them brilliance.
We ask you to give the IRS folks compassion, where they have none.
And Lord, we ask that you tinker with the IRS rules a bit because we really don't want to waste prayer upon the IRS. We have really more important things to ask your help on, and this ought not be in the top ten issues. Amen.
I'm sure an IRS guy would read this and start to wonder how he ever got into this line of work, and if maybe he should have gone onto Baptist ministry school like Grandma suggested, instead of hooking up with the IRS.
So in the questions developed and sent back to the organization.....was this information request...."Please detail the content of the members of your organization’s prayers."
You can imagine the manager and the accountant sitting there....it was a group in Iowa, and just pondering the necessity of listing content of prayers.
In Bama, we would sat there for a long while, and then listed our prayer...in typical Bama-fashion.
Dear God
We ask you to send your angels to the IRS and help bring them to their senses.
We ask you to lift their blindness and give the IRS people sight.
We ask you to take the child-like ways of the IRS, and bring them into the world of maturity.
We ask you to take the devil in each IRS technician, and cast that devil out.
We ask you to lay your hands upon their incompetence, and give them brilliance.
We ask you to give the IRS folks compassion, where they have none.
And Lord, we ask that you tinker with the IRS rules a bit because we really don't want to waste prayer upon the IRS. We have really more important things to ask your help on, and this ought not be in the top ten issues. Amen.
I'm sure an IRS guy would read this and start to wonder how he ever got into this line of work, and if maybe he should have gone onto Baptist ministry school like Grandma suggested, instead of hooking up with the IRS.
Let the Crap Flow
This is one of those odd stories that someone will tell me, and it needs to retold.
My associate at work is married to a gal, who has a sister that probably hasn't done that well-off in life. The sister still lives up in Minnesota where she grew up. My associate got convinced years ago, by his wife, to buy a property, and rent it to the sister.....for a very fair price. It's safe to say that it's in the rurals of Minnesota, didn't cost that much, and requires only occasional maintenance.
Because of the way that he bought the house, the location, and the mortgage involved.....he needs flood insurance. If there was a recent flood map of the area.....he'd get a more discounted deal. Currently, he's paying more than what he'd desire.
Who draws up the flood maps? Usually a city or town will request it, pay some kind of price for it, and it's available to everyone in town as they buy, sell, or trade property. The town in this case? Thirty-odd residences. On their priority list? No. There is a mayor to the town, but for roughly three years....this just hasn't been a priority for the town at all.
So yesterday comes, and there's a phone call. New mayor in town, and he's calling all the way to Maryland to my associate.
The town has a new 'mission'. They want a real sewage system. Yes, the thirty-odd residences....have prioritized things, and a one-million-dollar sewage system is on their mind. Septic tanks? A thing of the past, and not sufficient.
They had a town-hall meeting. This idea just didn't sell too well. There's around twenty-odd votes to this....apparently not enough to get it passed. I'm assuming that there needs to be a super-majority (maybe two-thirds...maybe even seventy-five percent). New mayor chats over this......he's new in town....and he really needs this project done.
I stopped my associate at that point, and asked why exactly would you need a one-million-dollar sewage system, for thirty-odd homes? There just isn't any reason for it or any explanation yet that fits. Course, if you were trying to attract some mini-manufacturing unit or small business to move into the area....it'd explain a good bit. But that hasn't been laid out into this story.
My associate confessed to the new mayor.....if they'd give him the flood map....he'd vote for this. Otherwise, no.
The price of the monthly bill if they go and do this? Eighty bucks. So it's around a thousand dollars a year....if they press forward. The curious thing is that they've arranged for one grant, which took out around $400k on this, and they are fairly close to a second grant for almost $400k. So the thirty-odd homes would only have to worry about a $200k chunk of money. The grants? I'm guessing that one came from the federal government, and I actually helped to pay. Yeah, that irritates me a bit.....my tax money going to run a sewage plant in the rurals of Minnesota.
Who would run the plant? Don't know. I suggested to my associate that you'd have to hire some guy to come in....measure stuff....maintain the plant....ensure proper operation. So there has to be more cost associated with this, but not being mentioned.
So as a true Bama resident, I asked the real question to fit this all together....doesn't the town have cops and rake in money off speeding tickets? No. No cops. The town lies between two significant cities, with trucks moving on a hourly basis. There's money to be made here....if you just hired one cop to sit and hand out traffic tickets. Every town in Bama functions this way, and an average cop makes $100k profit for the town.
I asked, how does the town make money then? Well....in Minnesota, the local booze establishment must be run by the town itself, and that was the chief money maker for the town. Practically all the cash for the town, came off their one and only establishment....a booze shop. But the booze shop had to shut down because it wasn't clearing a profit.
Why? Well....they had six people on the payroll. Way more folks than they needed and it was simply a job enterprise. No real profits for the town. The new management scheme of the booze shop probably will cure this issue, and create more cash flow for the town's city hall.
At the end of this.....I was thinking, this is the kind of place that a guy could walk into, and in one year....became the mayor. Some guys walk around and dream of such a goal in life. You don't have to be a four-star executive or even a college-degree guy....and be a mayor.
As for my associate? This stupid episode will likely pass and the eighty bucks a month will be drawn from his account. No, he admitted that he wouldn't pass this onto his sister-in-law....the nice guy that he is. And no, he didn't really expect the flood map to ever come out of this mess. Happily though....crap will flow past the house....onto some sewage plant....and end up somewhere else. Maybe that's worth eighty bucks a month. Maybe.
My associate at work is married to a gal, who has a sister that probably hasn't done that well-off in life. The sister still lives up in Minnesota where she grew up. My associate got convinced years ago, by his wife, to buy a property, and rent it to the sister.....for a very fair price. It's safe to say that it's in the rurals of Minnesota, didn't cost that much, and requires only occasional maintenance.
Because of the way that he bought the house, the location, and the mortgage involved.....he needs flood insurance. If there was a recent flood map of the area.....he'd get a more discounted deal. Currently, he's paying more than what he'd desire.
Who draws up the flood maps? Usually a city or town will request it, pay some kind of price for it, and it's available to everyone in town as they buy, sell, or trade property. The town in this case? Thirty-odd residences. On their priority list? No. There is a mayor to the town, but for roughly three years....this just hasn't been a priority for the town at all.
So yesterday comes, and there's a phone call. New mayor in town, and he's calling all the way to Maryland to my associate.
The town has a new 'mission'. They want a real sewage system. Yes, the thirty-odd residences....have prioritized things, and a one-million-dollar sewage system is on their mind. Septic tanks? A thing of the past, and not sufficient.
They had a town-hall meeting. This idea just didn't sell too well. There's around twenty-odd votes to this....apparently not enough to get it passed. I'm assuming that there needs to be a super-majority (maybe two-thirds...maybe even seventy-five percent). New mayor chats over this......he's new in town....and he really needs this project done.
I stopped my associate at that point, and asked why exactly would you need a one-million-dollar sewage system, for thirty-odd homes? There just isn't any reason for it or any explanation yet that fits. Course, if you were trying to attract some mini-manufacturing unit or small business to move into the area....it'd explain a good bit. But that hasn't been laid out into this story.
My associate confessed to the new mayor.....if they'd give him the flood map....he'd vote for this. Otherwise, no.
The price of the monthly bill if they go and do this? Eighty bucks. So it's around a thousand dollars a year....if they press forward. The curious thing is that they've arranged for one grant, which took out around $400k on this, and they are fairly close to a second grant for almost $400k. So the thirty-odd homes would only have to worry about a $200k chunk of money. The grants? I'm guessing that one came from the federal government, and I actually helped to pay. Yeah, that irritates me a bit.....my tax money going to run a sewage plant in the rurals of Minnesota.
Who would run the plant? Don't know. I suggested to my associate that you'd have to hire some guy to come in....measure stuff....maintain the plant....ensure proper operation. So there has to be more cost associated with this, but not being mentioned.
So as a true Bama resident, I asked the real question to fit this all together....doesn't the town have cops and rake in money off speeding tickets? No. No cops. The town lies between two significant cities, with trucks moving on a hourly basis. There's money to be made here....if you just hired one cop to sit and hand out traffic tickets. Every town in Bama functions this way, and an average cop makes $100k profit for the town.
I asked, how does the town make money then? Well....in Minnesota, the local booze establishment must be run by the town itself, and that was the chief money maker for the town. Practically all the cash for the town, came off their one and only establishment....a booze shop. But the booze shop had to shut down because it wasn't clearing a profit.
Why? Well....they had six people on the payroll. Way more folks than they needed and it was simply a job enterprise. No real profits for the town. The new management scheme of the booze shop probably will cure this issue, and create more cash flow for the town's city hall.
At the end of this.....I was thinking, this is the kind of place that a guy could walk into, and in one year....became the mayor. Some guys walk around and dream of such a goal in life. You don't have to be a four-star executive or even a college-degree guy....and be a mayor.
As for my associate? This stupid episode will likely pass and the eighty bucks a month will be drawn from his account. No, he admitted that he wouldn't pass this onto his sister-in-law....the nice guy that he is. And no, he didn't really expect the flood map to ever come out of this mess. Happily though....crap will flow past the house....onto some sewage plant....and end up somewhere else. Maybe that's worth eighty bucks a month. Maybe.
Sunday, 24 March 2013
Norway and Witchcraft
The folks in Norway have decided that they'd like to help the folks in Malawi. The issue to fix. Sorcery and witchcraft.
You see....folks around Malawi still today believe in witches. It's so bad....that some folks have proclaimed it one of the top problems of the nation.
So the folks in Norway are sending down $600k to run a three-year program. Once I saw the number....I'm amazed. For an American program, that $600k would have been blown in six weeks.
What do you do in cases like this? Probably posters, and public statements by political groups. It's hard to imagine in 2013, that witchcraft is still taken seriously.
How will the witches take this matter? I'm guessing that they will discuss the matter within their group, and perhaps end a witch or two up to Norway....testing the local population there.
The Norwegian folks will probably have a bit of fun with this....until something odd happens. Then news will spread through the communities. After a couple of weeks....there might be two or three percent of the Norwegian population which then believes in witchcraft. Then the government of Norway might have to spend a couple million Euro fighting the notion of witchcraft in their own country.
Stranger things have happen, you know.
You see....folks around Malawi still today believe in witches. It's so bad....that some folks have proclaimed it one of the top problems of the nation.
So the folks in Norway are sending down $600k to run a three-year program. Once I saw the number....I'm amazed. For an American program, that $600k would have been blown in six weeks.
What do you do in cases like this? Probably posters, and public statements by political groups. It's hard to imagine in 2013, that witchcraft is still taken seriously.
How will the witches take this matter? I'm guessing that they will discuss the matter within their group, and perhaps end a witch or two up to Norway....testing the local population there.
The Norwegian folks will probably have a bit of fun with this....until something odd happens. Then news will spread through the communities. After a couple of weeks....there might be two or three percent of the Norwegian population which then believes in witchcraft. Then the government of Norway might have to spend a couple million Euro fighting the notion of witchcraft in their own country.
Stranger things have happen, you know.
Saturday, 23 March 2013
The End of Harvey
For Harvey Updyke, the Auburn poison oak tree episode has ended rather quickly.
In Bama, this is probably one of the most talked about episodes of the past five years....well...except for NCAA football stuff.
On Friday, the court finally rendered the verdict there in Wetumpka. Declared guitly....Harvey has to serve a three-year prison sentence....but the judge determinded that he'd already done around a hundred days, and if he does six months minium....the justice folks could let Harvey out of the whole three years deal. My humble guess is that he does roughly six to nine months and is let go.
Then there was this stipulation written into the judge's order....which is a curious piece.
Harvey can't go near any NCAA football game for the next five years. He can't talk to any media folks or even cal into a radio-talk show. Harvey has to be home every night by 7pm for the whole five years. And Harvey can't go anywhere near Auburn, period.
All of this was handled rather quickly because Harvey dropped the idea of himself being crazy, and just admitted plain stupid guilt on this stuff.
The general feeling around Bama? Auburn folks are still a bit upset over the guy. Most of us consider him to be a nutcase, but like the other 250k Bama folks who are also nutcases.
I'd personally suggest this as a future movie. I'd like to see Burt Reynolds play Harvey, with Hulk Hogan as an Auburn alumni guy on the hunt for Harvey. Maybe bring in Terry Bradshaw to play the judge from Wetumpka.
So I suggest here....we Bama folks ought to drag out that forgiving nature of ourselves, and just give Harvey a bit of forgiveness on this stuff. And if he were to move off to Mississippi.....we wouldn't say anything judgmental against that.
In Bama, this is probably one of the most talked about episodes of the past five years....well...except for NCAA football stuff.
On Friday, the court finally rendered the verdict there in Wetumpka. Declared guitly....Harvey has to serve a three-year prison sentence....but the judge determinded that he'd already done around a hundred days, and if he does six months minium....the justice folks could let Harvey out of the whole three years deal. My humble guess is that he does roughly six to nine months and is let go.
Then there was this stipulation written into the judge's order....which is a curious piece.
Harvey can't go near any NCAA football game for the next five years. He can't talk to any media folks or even cal into a radio-talk show. Harvey has to be home every night by 7pm for the whole five years. And Harvey can't go anywhere near Auburn, period.
All of this was handled rather quickly because Harvey dropped the idea of himself being crazy, and just admitted plain stupid guilt on this stuff.
The general feeling around Bama? Auburn folks are still a bit upset over the guy. Most of us consider him to be a nutcase, but like the other 250k Bama folks who are also nutcases.
I'd personally suggest this as a future movie. I'd like to see Burt Reynolds play Harvey, with Hulk Hogan as an Auburn alumni guy on the hunt for Harvey. Maybe bring in Terry Bradshaw to play the judge from Wetumpka.
So I suggest here....we Bama folks ought to drag out that forgiving nature of ourselves, and just give Harvey a bit of forgiveness on this stuff. And if he were to move off to Mississippi.....we wouldn't say anything judgmental against that.
Friday, 22 March 2013
College in the Old Days
I had a curiosity about what was really required of a college student in the 1800s. So I went out to research this. From the University of Pennsylvania there is a publication left over from 1851. There were two semesters each year.
Freshmen were required to take English composition and declamation (classic speech), ancient history and geography, algebra, geometry, Horace, Homer, Xenophon (Greek studies).
Sophomores were required to take modern history, English composition and declamation, trigonometry (with applications for surveying and navigation), elements of mechanics and chemistry, Livy (second Punic War), Horace, logic, rhetoric, and Demosthenes (a Greek orator).
Juniors were required to take general principals of equilibrium and motion of solids and liquids, Plato, chemistry with experimental lectures, machinery, evidence of Christianity, moral and intellectual philosophy, English composition and declamation, general theory of equations, Greek tragedy, Juvenal (a Roman poet), Constitutional history of the US, and international law (lectures).
Seniors were required to take lectures on geology and mineralogy, Aristotle, Cicero, optics, astronomy, heat-electricity, physical geography, magnetism-sound, moral and intellectual philosophy, English composition and declamation, analytical mechanics, elements of integral calculus, lectures on English literature, history, and Constitutional law (lectures).
Now, some observations.
First, you did a light class schedule even on Saturdays....which might shock some students today.
Second, as you gaze across the spectrum here, there was a good bit of Greek and Roman reading. Logic and philosophy were a major part of your degree.
Third, speaking and orator skills were a standard requirement.
Fourth, what you generally left with....was a very developed mind to expand and take on more in life.
Fifth, you actually took a class in Christianity.
Sixth, you had a lot of basic skills in science.
Seventh, English was required each and every single year of the four years.
Eighth, declamation? It's a speech activity that you give with strong feeling. You say what you mean, and practice it....yearly.
Ninth, imagine trying to teach moral and intellectual philosophy today.
Finally, in an entire county of sixty young men graduating from school....if you had just one of them go off to this university...it was a big deal. You didn't borrow money or ask the government for a loan. You either paid or you worked your way through the program.
I don't think many kids today could make it with this list of topics.
Freshmen were required to take English composition and declamation (classic speech), ancient history and geography, algebra, geometry, Horace, Homer, Xenophon (Greek studies).
Sophomores were required to take modern history, English composition and declamation, trigonometry (with applications for surveying and navigation), elements of mechanics and chemistry, Livy (second Punic War), Horace, logic, rhetoric, and Demosthenes (a Greek orator).
Juniors were required to take general principals of equilibrium and motion of solids and liquids, Plato, chemistry with experimental lectures, machinery, evidence of Christianity, moral and intellectual philosophy, English composition and declamation, general theory of equations, Greek tragedy, Juvenal (a Roman poet), Constitutional history of the US, and international law (lectures).
Seniors were required to take lectures on geology and mineralogy, Aristotle, Cicero, optics, astronomy, heat-electricity, physical geography, magnetism-sound, moral and intellectual philosophy, English composition and declamation, analytical mechanics, elements of integral calculus, lectures on English literature, history, and Constitutional law (lectures).
Now, some observations.
First, you did a light class schedule even on Saturdays....which might shock some students today.
Second, as you gaze across the spectrum here, there was a good bit of Greek and Roman reading. Logic and philosophy were a major part of your degree.
Third, speaking and orator skills were a standard requirement.
Fourth, what you generally left with....was a very developed mind to expand and take on more in life.
Fifth, you actually took a class in Christianity.
Sixth, you had a lot of basic skills in science.
Seventh, English was required each and every single year of the four years.
Eighth, declamation? It's a speech activity that you give with strong feeling. You say what you mean, and practice it....yearly.
Ninth, imagine trying to teach moral and intellectual philosophy today.
Finally, in an entire county of sixty young men graduating from school....if you had just one of them go off to this university...it was a big deal. You didn't borrow money or ask the government for a loan. You either paid or you worked your way through the program.
I don't think many kids today could make it with this list of topics.
The Leno Solution
Jay Leno is being let go, finally, by NBC. What they will admit is that the numbers aren't there. Young Americans aren't watching Jay. And the older Americans, in pretty hefty numbers, are watching mostly Fox News.
Jay would kinda like to keep working but things aren't looking that way.
I would suggest that Fox go out and find two individuals to team up with Jay....in southern California of course, and run an 11PM one-hour show. The studio would be laid out in a fashion that would make a grown man cry.
I would envision the studio having an entire area with car jacks and Jay might invite a guy onto the show and just spend thirty minutes talking cars, or motorcycles, or even go-carts. Toss in someone who does interviews with the Hollywood elite, and finally a third Fox person who talks up the latest in gossip.
After a couple of months, the numbers would be significant, and Jay would be smiling most of the time because his magic was still working.
Jay would kinda like to keep working but things aren't looking that way.
I would suggest that Fox go out and find two individuals to team up with Jay....in southern California of course, and run an 11PM one-hour show. The studio would be laid out in a fashion that would make a grown man cry.
I would envision the studio having an entire area with car jacks and Jay might invite a guy onto the show and just spend thirty minutes talking cars, or motorcycles, or even go-carts. Toss in someone who does interviews with the Hollywood elite, and finally a third Fox person who talks up the latest in gossip.
After a couple of months, the numbers would be significant, and Jay would be smiling most of the time because his magic was still working.
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