The Lost Damsel Story

(I wrote this piece back in the summer of 2017.....it's a story that was being discussed around Alabama at the time.  I edited it a bit, and re-posted)

For several days, I've been following this story out of central Alabama....near the Highway 82 area between Union Springs and Eufaula.  On the map, this is just east of Montgomery....by 30-odd minutes of driving.

The story goes....about a month ago, this young damsel (Lisa Theris) had accompanied two young gentlemen on a burglary adventure.  Their target was a hunting cabin out in the rural aspects of the region.

What we are told is that Lisa gets all nervous at the cabin area....worried about the 'law' or maybe the two guys (they were both arrested later), and she runs off into the woods.

For a month....yes, four weeks, she is out in the woods.

A couple of days ago....some driver is driving down Highway 82 and notices something that looks not right.  Normally, you'd see cows, fence posts, pines, and farms.  Here on the side of the road is a naked gal....Lisa.  The driver took her to the hospital.

So, Lisa's story.   She says she ran off into the woods....got lost, and then survived off creek water, her own urine, mushrooms, and berries.  She has lost roughly 50 pounds, or so the hospital does claim. She is insect-bit (heavily), and appears awful brown (as in suntanned).

I questioned this part of the story....if she'd lost that much weight....she must have been pretty 'big-boned' (as we say in Bama), or chunky.  

Folks are amazed at her survival and admire the whole story.  It does sound pretty nifty.

I paused over this, and frankly....it's fairly fake.

First, if you gaze at a map of the region.....if you pick even the more rural of the territory, you'd only have to walk two miles in one single direction to reach a dirt or paved road.  It'd take roughly an hour, and you'd hit civilization.  Folks would like to think it's really all forested and rough territory, but the map shows otherwise.

Second, naked? Generally, folks that get naked these days....do it because they are on flakka (the drug).  Otherwise, you really don't have any reason to rip your clothing off.

Third, snakes.  Generally, if you told me you were out in some woods for four weeks....just rambling around....especially in Alabama....it means you would come across a snake about every thirty minutes.  The odds of surviving?  Zero chance.

My impression?  She was at the robbery site, and at some point had access to a fair amount of flakka.  Maybe it belonged to the two guys....maybe it was from the cabin itself....who knows.  But she spent most of the four weeks doing the drug situation and simply lucked out to have walked to Highway 82 and been found.

But here's the thing.....in Alabama, we need stories like this to be entertained by.  Folks will sit for weeks talking about the lost damsel, and how they would have handled this if they were lost.