Sunday, 19 May 2013

The Robber from New York City

Guys from Bama have a special appreciation of New York City.  We would quietly admit, in mixed company, that we'd really like to throw some Roll Tide jerseys into a bag with some underwear, put a case of beer into a cooler, and get a roadmap to drive all the way to New York City.  We don't want to stay too long, or really become familiar with the city.  We'd just like to visit for a couple of days....visit some guys like George on Seinfeld, and meet some cool chicks like they had on Friends.

So we pay attention to events in New York City.

This week....they had an atempted bank robbery.

The robber dude came in....fairly well dressed....a tie and suit, with dark Ray-band glasses.

He comes up to the teller and passes some note, that basically says he wants 100s, 50s, 20s, and he'll start shooting if you don't react.

Well....it's an interesting thing.

The robber didn't really know it, but this lady clerk he picked....she wasn't from New York City.  Journalists won't say what state she hails from....but she just ain't a local.

So things take a turn here. Being in the bank teller field.....you really don't expect life-ending situations to occur.  This gal, and we can only assume she is likely from some southern state, freaks out after reading the note.

She starts screaming and going into some kind of panic attack.  The robber?  Well....he didn't really expect that attitude.  He tried to raise his finger and let her know that it'd be better to just be quiet.  That didn't help much.

By this point, she running from her cage area to the other side of the room and hiding under a desk.

There's this pause for the robber.  You can sense some frustration here.  There's probably about twenty seconds of silence here.  He's likely thinking....damn, most New York City gals would just flip the money over and I'd be walking out with four thousands dollars right now.

At this point, he makes a fairly wise decision.  Retreat.

Cops have a mighty fine picture of the guy, released to the papers, and taking up a three inch by six inch space.  Sadly, he's walking on borrowed time right now, and trying hard to stay out of sight.

The gal?  I'm guessing that the bank guys are giving her a day off to chill and relax.  They probably appreciate the fact that they didn't lose any money.  Everyone is looking at this tactic now....and wondering if freaking out....ought to be norm.  The problem is....most all New York City folks are pretty stern and tough individuals.  You'd have to bring in some Bama folks and change cultural perceptions.  Just some advice from a Bama guy.

Our Problem (Explained in Detail)

I sat down this morning, and did about an hour of reading on 501C tax exempt organizations....to really understand the mess with IRS and these Tea Party folks.

So, there's this amazing thing.

Congress and the Senate....in their great moment of incompetence....created a virtual zoo of 501C organizations.

So, lets review these.

501C-1: Corporations Organized Under Act of Congress (including Federal Credit Unions)

501C-2: Title Holding Corporations for Exemption

501C-3: Religious, Educational, Charitable, Scientific, Literary, Testing for Public Safety, to Foster National or International Amateur Sports Competition, or Prevention of Cruelty to Children or Animals Organizations (yeah, it a pretty bastardized group group, even I'll admit that)

501C-4: Civic Leagues, Social Welfare Organizations, and Local Associations of Employees

501C-5: Labor, Agricultural, and Horticultural Organizations (this includes 4H)

501C-6: Business Leagues, Chambers of Commerce, Real Estate Boards, etc.

501C-7:  Social and Recreational Clubs (your youth softball league, your nude swimming club, and your 1966 Ford Mustang Club)

501C-8: Fraternal Beneficiary Societies and Associations (university folks, cops, firemen, etc)

501C-9: Voluntary Employee Beneficiary Associations

501C-10: Domestic Fraternal Societies and Associations

501C-11: Teachers' Retirement Fund Associations

501C-12: Benevolent Life Insurance Associations, Mutual Ditch or Irrigation Companies, Mutual or Cooperative Telephone Companies, etc. (yeah, your ditch diggers of America and the telephone linesman crews)

501C-13: Cemetery Companies

501C-14: State-Chartered Credit Unions, Mutual Reserve Funds

505C-15: Mutual Insurance Associations

501C-16: Cooperative Organizations to Finance Crop Operations (related to farming mostly)

501C-17: Unemployment Benefit Trusts

501C-18: Employee Funded Pension Trust (created before June 25, 1959)

501C-19 Post or Organization of Past or Present Members of the Armed Forces (the VFW guys)

501C-20: Group Legal Services Plan Organizations

501C-21: Black lung Benefit Trusts (the coal-miner guys)

501C-22: Withdrawal Liability Payment Fund

501C-23: Veterans Organization (applies only to groups created before 1880, which beg questions on who exactly falls into this category except Civil War and Revolutionary War members)

501C-24: Section 4049 ERISA Trusts (these are the folks who try to help companies develop retirement accounts, and employees to understand their retirement accounts)

501C-25: Title Holding Corporations or Trusts with Multiple Parents

501C-26: State-Sponsored Organizations Providing Health Coverage for High-Risk Individuals

501C-27: State-Sponsored Workers' Compensation Reinsurance Organizations

501C-28: National Railroad Retirement Investment Trust

501C-29: Qualified Nonprofit Health Insurance Issuers (your Obama Care Law folks)

Twenty-nine special categories.  So this begs the question.....did Congress draw up any questions to fall into these groups?  I'm guessing the dimwits wrote a pretty generic deal, and just said that some idiot in IRS would write the questions and determine if you fit into a group or not.  Yeah, they were likely that stupid.

What prevents you, Farmer Joe from Red Bay, Alabama, from creating your own fake charity deal under 501C-13 (the cemetery guys), and just running all your income as tax deductible?

Well....some dimwit with twenty questions sitting in the same office as the guys who do the Tea Party folks.  And do they even come out to visit Farmer Joe?  Never.  So the questions are the only thing between Farmer Joe getting himself into a fake charity and never paying a dime to the government.

The cause of this entire mess?  Your Senate and House.  Fixing it?  Well....we'll fire a dozen guys in the end, but just keep going full speed ahead.

My advice?  You open up a fake cemetery on the back side of your house.....making sure that there's at least one grave-stone.  You can bury your hunting dog, or your favorite mule, and just stay legit with paperwork over this, and claim your tractor and all farm expenses....as part of the cemetery operation.

America, the land of milk, honey, and dopey paperwork.

A Nifty Gadget

Over the last thirty-five years.....I've traveled a good bit.  What you tend to worry about....on airline travel....did my bag arrive?  My luck has held out on a constant basis.  I know dozens of people who just weren't that lucky.  They spent an extra hour or so....waiting for the airline guy to admit that the bag just never got there, and it'll be another day before it arrives.

This morning....I was watching business news, and there's this new gadget.  Trakdot.

Basically, you put this into your bag, and log onto your smart-phone or laptop while walking the concourse to the bags area.  The Trakdot will tell you the bag is in the airport.....or no, it's not.

This creates this nifty episode.  While in the concourse, you realize the mess in front of you....no bag, and just keep walking to the cab or car-rental, and leave the airport.  No discussion, no hassle, no stress.

You call the airport baggage idiots the next morning and identify yourself, and ask when the bag will arrive, and demand they bring it to your hotel, or home.  Most airlines will do it....just keep you as a customer.

A positive trend?  Well....it's fifty bucks.  If you travel five or six times a year....I'd put the money out and buy it.  A once-a-year traveler....it's more than what you ought to spend.  Course, if I were the airline, I'd try to crimp their gadget by offering a free-email service, which notes that while unloading the plane.....we discovered your bag never made it.  It could be a regretful email, and note that we (the airline) will bring the bag to your secondary point if you just tell us where.

My humble guess is that Trakdot will be around for three years, and the airlines will realize that it's hurting them in various ways, and they will try to muscle the gadget out of business.  For the traveler?  You are going to come out ahead in the future....even if they still continue to lose your bags.