I was reading over Bama news this morning, and noted that our state governor (Robert Bentley) came up and did a media speech deal yesterday with the state health officer, and some infectious disease expert from a Montgomery hospital.
The deal? Well....the governor wanted everyone in Bama to know that things are OK, and all planned out if Ebola arrives in Bama.....no matter if it comes via Gulf Shores, the Tennessee border, or via the Birmingham airport. There's a plan.
Somewhere in the talk, the mention of a checklist for state medical folks was disclosed. There are questions now that get tossed early on in a medical interview....like....have you been traveling recently....like to Africa? There's some mandated procedures that got mentioned, and the governor kinda summed it up....Bama was ready.
Where does this leave us with the normal Bama scenario?
Well....first, we tend to find different ways of pouncing words that we don't commonly use. So, I'm betting on several creative ways of folks saying "Ebola". Maybe E-bul-lie.....E-bull-ly....Eb-o-lie....etc.
Somewhere down the line....some Bama folks will pull out their Bibles and look through Revelations (always a popular place to find agreeable stuff), and point out that God already forecasted this, and it's all part of the master-plan.
At some point here, some Bama or Auburn football coaches will sit and ponder over various strategies if their quarterback gets Ebola, and how they would handle it with the back-up quarterback.
Bama graveyard managers will start to eyeball expansion, talking up the need to double up on space in the near future.
Bama lawyers will see potential income angles by calling up folks who have wills and hinting that maybe it's time for another review, and maybe cutting out folks or including folks....ifing you got Ebola and suddenly passed on. Folks might talk passionately about the Ford 150 pick-up and who it might go to.....if they got Ebola.
These African missionary missions might draw more negativity. Folks might say they'd do some missionary work, but only in Texas or Utah.....just to be on the safe side.
Bama airports? You can imagine the cleaning services folks getting some note from the Airport Manager that they need to wear hazmat suits whenever some guy throws up in the concourse...even if it's from too much booze at the airport bar.
Guys will sit around the general store in Bama and discuss cleaning solutions for Ebola....mostly from experimental ideas that they got from their three years in the Army, or from the county agricultural agent that visited recently. It'll always involve some element of diesel and some weed-killer....be highly flammable....and eat paint off a car in sixty seconds.
We'll even have a few guys who talk up an underground bunker idea....where they and the family will huddle up for six months while Ebola destroys the heartland of Bama. The wife isn't aware of the bunker or the plan, and would likely divorce the guy once the plan gets mentioned.
The problem in Bama....is that we tend to think too much. We don't see a simple problem.....we see a vast multiple-scenario complex mystical situation....that demands a frustrating answer beyond human reckoning. It's the five-side barn, the horse that adds numbers, the septic tank that has worked for forty-five years without replacement, or the twenty-year old Dodge car with an automatic that has never required rebuilding.
Even now....this moment.....over 300,000 Bama folks are working hard on Ebola prevention and handling. They will casually mention this at the Waffle House as they meet with friends and peers. It'll get brought up in Sunday Bible School this weekend....that they just acquired some special special cream from Canada that dissolves Ebola on contact.
The governor? Well....he's simply putting himself into the same position....thinking ahead.
Frankly, it's a shock to some Bama folks because they still thought that Guy Hunt was governor (1987-1993)....forgetting that Guy had to resign in 1993 after the conviction of taking $200,000 which was used mostly for marble figurines and high-end lawn mowers.
So, don't get too excited if your Bama neighbor talks up Ebola. He's just thinking ahead.
