Wednesday, 22 April 2015

“Why die on Mars when you can live in South Dakota.”

“Why die on Mars when you can live in South Dakota.”

This is the new tourism campaign for South Dakota.  Folks within the tourism trade woke up one day and noticed how a bunch of people are all stirred up and want to go visit Mars.  Thousands of people in fact.

Now, a logical guy would ask....what exactly will you be seeing or doing while visiting Mars.  Swamp fishing?  Gambling on some bayou?  Tanning on some beachfront?  Drinking Whiskey Sours at a Mars nightclub?  Dancing with some hot fifty-year-old chick from Boaz?  Mountain-biking?  Getting fitness training from some San Diego guy who only eats mushrooms and shrimp?

The general trip idea to Mars currently is a one-way trip.  You will die there.  Period.....end of plan B change of plan at the midway point.

I think there's a brief one-hour window of fantasy that will occur when this first group arrives on Mars.  They will don their suits.....go walk around for an hour....then come to this new reality.  I'd refer to it as "dumb-itis".  I paid all this money and for some reason.....this brief walk on Mars and my impending end to life don't make much sense.

The problem in life is that people watch an awful lot of fantasy stuff on TV and get these weird ideas.  Guys used to aspire to be on some bowling league and bowl a three-hundred game.  Now, they fantasize about some android-borg-like lady-gal who looks marvelous, stacks one-hundred-pound hay-bales with ease, and performs over six-hundred multi-task functions.

A guy used to aspire to have a truck that makes it through a whole year without a visit to the garage for repairs.  Now, a guy fantasizes about some hover-craft vehicle that gets up to 300 mph, and has a leather suit with turbo-blast air cooling for hot summer months.

A guy used to aspire to have a simple steak over the grill after work.  Now, a guy fantasizes about some Argentine steak which sat in a bowl of special Taiwanese sour sauce and Bombay peppers which are sold at only one store within seventy miles of the house.

A guy used to aspire to have four basic options for TV entertainment each evening (ABC, CBS, NBC, and PBS).  Now, a guy fantasizes about 700 channels, and sixteen possible baseball games tonight for viewing.

A guy used to aspire to get in a car and drive for two days to reach South Dakota.  Don't ask me what was on the typical 'to-see-list'.....I might assume Mount Rushmore but maybe the Badlands or Black Hills interest the guy.  Now?  A guy dreams up Mars? And for what?