Saturday, 1 December 2018

Hugging Story

My brother and I got into a discussion over a marginally serious event in the Alabama home-town....over excessive hugging, which got the local non-Alabamian doctor arrested on charges.  The gals being hugged, felt it was overly dramatic and maybe borderline 'wrong'.  The country prosecutor apparently accepted their version and so....some version of a court case will open up over lusty hugging versus general hugging. 

Generally, I would take the position that the less hugging you do....the better off you are, but some folks think that a hug-a-day is Ok.....unless you grab ahold of someone in some inappropriate way.  In Alabama, we don't really have fancy rules over hands in the middle of a hug. 

But my brother keyed into the topic that we'd be better off if the local channel (WHNT) ought to have a Doctor Phil type program that takes on Alabama topics.

I paused over this.  The problem is that most Alabama folks have a variety of problems that might shock folks nationally, and the Alabama Doctor Phil might be pretty weird.

For example....we have a lot of veterinarians in Alabama, and they've all got four-star stories over critters, fallen mules, killer-cows, and hunting dogs.  They'd take up a number of these local Dr Phil shows.

Then we have fallen Baptist ministers....who huffed on some magic 'smoke' and did some indecent acts with the Wurlitzer organ lady at the church.  Or they went to some conference in Tampa and got caught with a guy in ladies clothing.  Or they fell into some demon spell and hooked up with a Beverly Hills ventriloquist lady who does a sermon-episode with puppets. 

We also have NCAA obsessive folks who spend near $6,000 a year on personal attendance at various games (sometimes as far away as Texas), and chat only on NCAA football. 

We also have former female high school associates that suddenly show up twenty-five years after graduation and want to let you know that they've been obsessed with you ever since the senior year, and they are finally free of that idiot husband that they dumped.  You kinda stand there and admit after three don't remember them or their name.  They'd like to talk to Dr Phil about this problem now.

We also have those folks who've gotten into some obsession about mennonites, often dressing up to look like them, and using mennonite-language accents.....while driving modern cars and violating the general standards of the group.  In simple terms, they just want to look fake-mennonite.  They could probably go to the WHNT Dr Phil and talk about their problem.

There's also those folks who woke up one morning after being a Democrat for thirty years of their life and suddenly jabber away that they feel 'changed' they could possibly vote for Trump.  They've talked this over with neighbors who think they've suffered a stroke or had some emotional breakdown. 

Finally, you've got those Alabama folks who approach age fifty-five and start talking about this wild idea of moving to Alaska or Idaho.  You, as a concerned relative or neighbor, want to get them some special help, and maybe this Alabama-style Dr Phil could get them back into the right state of mind. 

Yeah, we probably need such a Dr Phil.