Tuesday, 20 November 2018

If I Were Going to Make the White House Press Rules

I'd have a list of ten rules for press behavior:

1.  Your question can't be longer than 20 words.

2.  If your question can't be understood by the typical average American, I'd ask you to rephrase it.  If it take three requests to rephrase it, and they all fail my 'typical' test....then we skip you and move on.

3.  You have to stand....state your name and press organization, then render the question, and finally sit as I respond.

4.  The phrases 'don't you think' or 'haven't you thought' won't be used.

5.  Any ridicule of the President or personal criticism.....renders your press pass void for two weeks.

6. Tie and suit required.

7.  I'd only do the conference on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

8.  If you attempt to make a speech (going two full minutes of chatter) as part of some fake-question....my answer will be for you  'Dallas Cowboys' (every single time).

9.  At the end of each week, I would hand out a 'Jean-Claude Van Damme' award for most dramatic journalist of the week (to signify overacting or bad-acting).

10.  The first row and priority questions would go to newspaper journalists of small towns in rural areas of the US.  They would get the first three questions.