Thursday, 2 August 2018

Trump-Unbridled-Optimism-Syndrome (Parody)

(Parody) Clyde got up one morning and his wife decided to speak to him....about a problem.

This conversation led to one central theme....Clyde's wife felt that he seemed overly happy with life, more so than normal.  It just wasn't right.  She told Clyde that she'd noticed almost tears coming down his cheeks when he arose and opened curtains and gazed at the morning sun rising.  Since the spring of 2017, she noted this 'passion' over life.

Clyde admitted that he did feel a bit more optimistic than normal.  NO...says the wife, this is more than that.  She suggested physiological treatment.

So Clyde went off and asked his associates about a recommendation.  The druggie at the office could name a good doctor but that wasn't the problem.  The gal with personality issues could name a good doctor but that wasn't the problem.  The Vietnam vet chief could name a good doctor but that wasn't the problem.  The HR guy flipping into a trans-lady could name a good doctor but that wasn't the problem.  Eventually, the security guard at the front door had a private chat with Clyde.

'Duke' was a Army guy....often obsessed with NCAA football....often bragged of playing poker one night with one of bin Laden's henchmen in some faraway jail-house....and was a happy-go-lucky security guard for the company.  Oh, and he was a noted former Democrat, turned Republican.

'Duke' said there's only one doctor for this, and gave Clyde the number.

Clyde made the appointment and the next day....showed up at some office that seemed to be designed to look like 1969.  The doctor asks about a dozen questions, and then states in a matter-of-a-fact way....Clyde, you got TUOS. Clyde was of course thinking it was a sexual disorder but the doctor corrected him quickly.  No, it's Trump Unbridled Optimism Syndrome.

The doctor reassured him that things were fine and that he had a special group which met on Wednesday nights to discuss matters.  He wanted Clyde to show up....but then said it'd be best not speak at the beginning part.

So Clyde shows up on the next Wednesday meeting and is there with six other folks and the doctor.  They start around and talking about 'their problem'.  It seems that it started on 9 November 2016.  Anxiety, panic attacks, stress, heartburn, and so on.

About twenty minutes into this, Clyde realizes that he's in a group of Hillary Lost It Syndrome (HLIS) folks.  He starts to eyeball the doorway and to leave.

The doctor gives a wink and turns to Clyde...asking him about his great fall on 9 November, and how he emerged.

Clyde starts to realize that he's not there to help himself....he's there to bring people to the 'unbridled optimism' position.  He starts to talk about his woeful family, unemployable son, the niece with no skill or future, and the worry over his job holding out.

Tears flow as Clyde tells the sad prospective of his family in 2016.  They just didn't have any optimism.  By summer of 2017, something clicked.  The son was hired up by some company, and made enough to have his own apartment.  The niece got hired by some gun-shop and discovered that she had some knack on selling rifles.  With the tax changes, Clyde had enough money to take his wife to Aruba for a week of hot lusty passion.

Clyde arose from his chair and began to wave his arms around and get all animated.  He'd helped some lady from his church rewrite her resume and get her hired up for a job (her first job, at age fifty).  He'd given up watching NFL football and was helping a neighbor repaint their house. He hated cats, but had gone to the county center and adopted two cats. 

The atmosphere in the room was electrified.  Unbridled optimism was brewing thick and strong.  The doctor gave a wink.  The session ended an hour later, and just about all of the folks there came over and offered a handshake.  They all felt better....they felt like a great burden had been lifted off their chest.

Clyde went home and his wife asked about the psychological session with the group. Clyde stood there and thought about it for a minute, and then responded: "What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate".  The wife responded....that's a direct quote from President Trump.  "Yes" responded Clyde.  A twist of fate here and there....brought on unbridled optimism. 

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