Tuesday, 3 July 2018

Dear Mr Dershowitz

My brother referenced a piece written over about Alan Dershowitz (the famed lefty-lawyer) who was now in some minor ways defending Trump, and found himself 'shunned' over in Martha's Vineyard by the anti-Trump crowd which gathers there each summer to heal themselves, find relief from the heat, and chat over the good years of President Obama.  Dershowitz says it's impossible for him to find any connectivity or hosts to greet him in the Vineyard area.

So I sat and pondered upon it.  Naturally, I came to the Bama conclusion:

Dear Mr Dershowitz:

Normally, we folks in Alabama don't go around and inviting celebrities, stars, or VIPs down to our neck of the woods, for varying reasons (mostly because we think they'd drink up most of the whiskey or take off with our damsels).

But in your case, we'd like to extend a welcome.

The truth is, we kinda admire guys who do stuff like what you did, and stepped way out on the 'plank'.  It takes a bit of courage, and crazy-style to go and defend President Trump like you did.

We want to say up front....we just aren't like those Martha's Vineyard crowd folks.  We kinda bask in the summer heat, and tend to socialize on the porch.  We do sip a good bit of ice tea and lemonade, and if you ask for the stout stuff....folks will quietly bring it out and freshen your drink a bit (extra is not a problem with us, but just don't say nothing about this to the Baptists).

For excitement in the summer, we tend to have five basic experiences: (1) fishing, (2) Baptist revivals, (3) fence painting, (4) NASCAR racing, and (5) softball.  I realize these might not fit into your style, but we also tend to get into wild stories on the porch about so-and-so parson who got arrested, or some gossip over the neighbor blowing up his garage by accident, or laying out how such-and-such governor had some mistress that he was paying $400,000 a year on salary.  These stories are usually worth sitting on the porch, and hearing in detail.

Occasionally, you might be in a highly cultured group, which chats about the 31 chapters of Proverbs from the Old Testament, or a wild personalized interpretation version of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, or some personalized WW II story from Uncle Lonny which seems to be half-true-half-false but we never care about the changing landscape or that he fought both the Germans and Japanese at the same time.

I won't go and say we got it better than those folks in Martha's Vineyard....but we don't hold a grudge against a guy like you.  And we kinda think that you deserve better treatment.

So, if you are tired of the Vineyard fake nature.....come on down to Alabama, and give us a chance.  We're save you a rocker on the porch, and keep up a tub of crushed ice for your drinks.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

From the brother (me): Amen brother... I got a little prouder of where I live, given your description. Send Mr. Dershowitz on down. He might find catfish and PBR (tea on Sunday) and folks calling him hun, buddy, feller, or friend a right smart upgrade from the high hatters of Martha's place.