Sunday, 3 August 2008

Using Your Imagination

So from the Sunday talk shows....there was the Stephanopoulos and Pelosi encounter. At some point, Stephanopoulos got deep into the subject of allowing drilling off the shores of the US....and how Pelosi was using various tactics to prolong or delay this potential vote

STEPHANOPOULOS: But why not allow votes on all that? When you came in as Speaker you promised in your commitment book "A New Direction for America," let me show our viewers, you said that “Bills should generally come to the floor under a procedure that allows open, full, fair debate consisting of full amendment process that grants the Minority the right to offer its alternatives.” If they want to offer a drilling proposal, why can't they have a vote?

PELOSI: They'll have to use their imagination as to how they can get a vote and then they may get a vote.

Yes.....we may have to use our imagination. Truly....a moment of wisdom from the Speaker of the House.

It was a rare clip....seeing Stephanopoulos actually whack on a bigwig Democrat, and she really couldn't do much to defend herself or her position.

Hells Angles in Bama?

There are alot of things that we Bama folks tend to believe in.....like zoombies, bigfoot, Loch Nessie, and even UFO's. So this week, we got to add another item to our list.

Most of you folks live in a state where you have Hells Angles....like Texas, California, and even you pitiful woeful folks up in New York City. We wretched folks in Bama....got by all these years without any Hells Angles. I don't quiet how or why.....but we just did. We never had a real Hells Angles unit in the land of Bama.

Coming up around the middle of September.....one of the bigwig....4-star....."damned if you do".....members of the Alabama legislature has a court date in Covington County.

State Senator Lowell Barron apparently was caught speeding late Sunday night last week.....right outside of Andalusia. The speed involved in this case is what makes it a bit unique. The chief of police there in Andalusia says that Lowell was driving at speeds so excessive they went beyond receiving a regular speeding ticket.

As most of you potential Bama-ites know....just excessive speed doesn't mean nothing, and you pay like $150 to $300......and just accept it. In this case.....the cop cited the guy for reckless driving. Now, Lowell has to actually face a judge and a violation of such means an automatic suspension of his driver's license.

Lowell said he was speeding at excessive speeds because he was trying to get away from someone who looked like he was a member of Hell's Angels. Yep.....thats what the dude said.

He said the officer was in plain clothes, had his high beams on, pursued him for 30 or 40 miles and because he was in a deserted isolated area Barron said he was afraid to pull over for fear he might have a gun. So, Barron said, he decided to speed up.

The cops were real nice about this.....saying no alcohol was involved....although I'd be quesioning drug usage in this kind of case, and ask old Lowell for a urine sample.

So I sat and pondered this....Hells Angles in Bama. Wonder, thinking.....and realizing that if I've come to accept Bigfoot and Loch Ness....then Hells Angles in Bama is possible as well. Where would they be hanging out? Well...Red Bay. Yep.....it can only be there.....away from real civilization and real law enforcement. These are probably OLD OLD Hells Angles....on retirement and a pension....and just wanting a day out of the old folks home there in Red Bay. And sadly....they probably accidentally chased the good senator. Yep....well.....at least he thinks so.

12,679 Years Ago

In the newest issue of the journal Nature Geoscience....some scientist dudes proudly proclaimed that the coming of the last ice age occurred 12, 679 years ago....and man, it was abrupt. There apparently was this drastic cooling of the climate in western Europe, apparently after a shift to icy winds over the Atlantic, which would have been the big signal of bad things to come. Well....it would have been a signal but you had guys like Gustiv and Ivan to note stuff like this and it wasn't on their top 100 priority list.

The scientist dudes spent a long time....on the study of pollens, minerals and other matter deposited in annual layers at the bottom of Lake Meerfelder Maar here in Germany. The guys were able to pinpoint an abrupt change in sediments consistent with a sudden chill over just one year.

"Our data indicate an abrupt increase in storminess during the autumn to spring seasons, occurring from one year to the next at 12,679 years before the present, broadly coincident with other changes in this region," they wrote.

Most folks tend to agree about some type of a sharp chill towards the end of the last Ice Age...so this report helps in some ways to answer questions.

So let us sit back and imagine this significant day.

It was a dark and stormy day, as Gustiv and Ivan stood by the heavily laden fire....burning thick carbon into the air. There to their rear....a thousand feet away...stood little Algore...who predicted the coming of the end because Gustiv and Ivan wouldn't burn smaller fires by their hut.

There along the shores of Sweden...many stood and watched the dark forbidding clouds gather....knowing that Algore was right...that their large nightly bonfires to ward off the bears, the big pig roasts, and the 12-log fires...were simply too much for the earth to handle. Algore had been right.

If only they had listened to his carbon credit idea...of swapping beaver skins for each pig roast, or paying off 3rd world cavemen in the Carolina land to lessen their use of firewood, or simply accepting two logs for a fire like Algore suggested. But Gustiv and Ivan thought the good times would go on forever. Plus they both believed that Algore was secretly burning more wood than the rest of them...at a second cave that he kept for solitude.

As snow fell, and ice stood upon the lips of Gustiv and Ivan...now they realized the wrongs they had done...hoping that maybe in future generations....others would listen to Algore, and save the carbon. Woe be unto those who have done the Algore wrong.

The Price of a Ticket

I suddenly woke up this weekend....nearing the start of SEC football....to realize that ticket prices have gone up another notch again. As the Birmingham News readily point out....the cost of a regular ticket for a Bama game is now $50.71, and Auburn just went up to $50 even. It is a ridiculous amount of money to put down on a 2-hour game...and that doesn't even start to cover fuel costs to drive to the game, the parking lot fee, or the $30 you'll spend on drinks or food while there. So if Bubba wanted to take wicked Wanda over to a game....he'd be chucking out almost $250 for the entire trip and a fine meal after the game. Thats a fairly significant amount of money....for just a SEC football game. Wicked Wanda better have a deep appreciation of what Bubba does for her.

Natural Light

So this is what occurred....in a sad, true, woeful tale.

Grady "Skip" Wilburn Dollar (who was remarkably 64 years old) had been drinking with Micky Joe Hill (barely 37 years old). These two were from Moulton, Bama, (over in Lawerence County, not far from my home town).

"Skip" had been working up a sweat all day long.....probably a bit hot and dehydrated as well. At some point, "Skip" gave Micky $10, and asked him to make a run over to the store....to buy beer.

Micky, being a kindly and typical Bama individual....hopped into his vehicle and made the trip. He returned with four cans of Anheuser-Busch Natural Light....considered one of the five worst beers in America.....and one of the cheapest beers ever made and marketed on the face of the earth. No change was offered to "Skip".

"Skip" was a bit peeved. Four cans would have cost maybe $3.50, but not more than $4. Micky could have returned with two six-packs, and "Skip" knew this.

By this point....whatever relationship "Skip" and Micky had....was quickly deteriorating and probably gone forever. You don't cheat a guy out of his beer.....even if it's horse urine.

At this point, "Skip" went back to the kitchen....got a butcher knife, and stabbed Micky. This was personal....and not just a little short argument.

The wound was to the lower abdomen. Luckily for Micky...."Skip" had butchered a few hogs in his life, and missed every single vital organ. So Micky is sitting in the hospital today.....probably wishing he bought the two six-packs and saved his buddy all this hassle.

"Skip"? Well....the cops came. As sorry as he was....they just couldn't let him off the hook. So he was taken over to the Lawerence county jail.....rather hot and bothered....where there is no beer what so ever.

A relative or associate apparently posted the $5,000 bond. I'm guessing at this point....that Micky is figuring what would make him happy and just drop charges on this entire case. I'm thinking 200 cases of Natural Light beer would be sufficient to just let bygones be bygones. "Skip" might be upset, but $4k worth of beer might be the answer. Besides....Micky can't drink all that beer, and maybe he might share a couple dozen cases with "Skip"....ifing they are still good friends.

So thats the Moulton story of mine.

Now, you may wonder how I came to know Moulton? It was a good thirty miles away from where I live and nowhere around where I'd hang out. But my dad took up flea-marketing after he retired from the post office. And the flea market up at Moulton was one of those places where'd he hang out with the trailer of nuts and bolts. I'm pretty sure at some point....both Micky and "Skip" probably bought some nuts and bolts from my dad.

The flea market there....is the kinda place where you'd find a fine farm-sized gal in overhauls, without a t-shirt or bra on (trust me, I was standing viewing such a gal about six years ago), on a hot July morning. Until you've met a good 240 pound plus gal, in overhauls and everything hanging out....you haven't seen nothing yet in life. So if you ask me where the hell is Moulton....I'll stand there for 30 seconds smiling....with a wicked memory.....and show you on the map.