Monday, 4 August 2008

Nigerian Fraud: One Step Up

I got this off the Englishrussia site today, which is an amusing upgrade off the current round of Nigerian fraud emails.


I pray that this email reaches you in the best of health. This letter may come to you as asurprise due to the fact that we have not yet met. The message could be strange but it’s real and you will realise this if you pay some attention to it. I want to notify you about it at least for the sake of your integrity.

My name is Major Greg Boner Moyo, a direct and only remaining member of the wealthy Moyo family. I am an astronaut with the South African Air Force and on loan to the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA).

In 2003 I left earth aboard the Mars Rover, Spirit. Seven months later I arrived on Mars.Prior to departing earth, I deposited the amount of US$ 11,600,000 (Eleven million, six hundred thousand United States dollars) in four safety galvanized boxes in a European financial institution which will be disclosed to you upon your acceptance of my proposal.

Last year, during the course of my research on Mars, I was ambushed by a group of analdwelling rebel Martians who inflicted great torturous pain upon my body with anal probes.

After a few weeks of enduring the physical pain, they released me. As a direct result of this cruelty, I am now very ill with a ruptured uterus that has defiled all forms of medical treatment and which has been deemed to be inoperable by my Martian surgeons. I am writing this mail to you on a laptop from my hospital bed in the Martian capitol of Zhwrong.

I now have but a few weeks to live and I am far too ill to endure the long and arduous journey back to my South Africa home. Therefore I have decided to donate the bulk of my fortune to a church or charitable organization that will utilize this money in the manner which I shall impart to you later. In return for your assistance, I shall authorize you to keep 30% of this fund for your trouble and aggravation plus an additional 10% to cover your expenses.

You should contact my attorney in Johannesburg immediately with your address and telephone number and he will give you his full contact information and guidance so that we can make arrangements as soon as possible.

Contact Barrister Richard Hardon Baloye
Barristers & Solicitors,
Johannesburg, South Africa

I kinda sat there....with a tear in my eye for this dude...them Martian dudes did him wrong, and we need to go over and whoop ass. Them Martians just ain't got no right to do something like this.

Finally the Packers Play Poker

Brett Farve is an idiot.....now lets move onto more important notes.

The Packers suddenly woke up and realized that this mess that they were being drawn into....to pay retired Brett $20 million NOT to play.....was the most stupid move possible. I kept waiting for this to strike their mind.

Brett has one year remaining on the old contract...worth $11 million. So if they just say sure....come on out and sit on the team bench.....he'll get $11 million, NOT $20 million. What idiot would not notice this brilliance.

So they finally told Brett.....sure, come on....lets activate you and get you to camp. Brett and his agent have to be standing there.....thinking the team would be idiots. They had two choices in their mind.....the Packers would pay $20 million not to play or they'd just release him, so he could run off to the Vikings and make a minimum of $11 million with them.

Now, the ball is in Brett's court. He has to show up to camp.....get in shape.....and even pretend he really cares......to win his position. He won't.....its just that simple.

I'm pretty sure the new quarterback is 100 percent ready, and geared to kick Brett out.

So the deal will be that Brett has to make a significant but underrated show.....hoping that they will now trade him....otherwise, he sits on the bench for 90 percent of the time for this season....which is a joke for a former all-star like him. But then, Brett is a loser....we all know that by now.

Where will Brett go? Well....this could really work against him. He could end up with the Lions, the Cardinals or even the Saints. Here at the tail end of his career....playing as hard as possible....for a loser.

How did Brett get into this? Brett had some type of endorsement deal rigged up. The money he thought would come in? Well....this idiot of a agent probably kept telling him $20 million, andI'm betting its more like $5 to $8 million. So Brett isn't happy....and neither is the agent. So they gotta rig up something.....because Brett just ain't happy. The Packers? Well....they finally got smart.....and wo't waste a cent of Packer resources on this dude.

The Bike Race

Once a year.....with some warning although I don't pay any attention....my village has the BIG bike race.

I end up being tied down and forbidden from leaving my house for a good ten hours. Its always on a Sunday....in July or August. Personally.....it bothers me.

The local bike club has a number of heats rigged up with another village and a route of four miles which the bikers will run....maybe once (for the punk kids), or five times for the mature crowd).

Ropes are set up in every parking lot....so you can't drive out after 7AM.....you just have to stand there and wait until this damn thing ends around 6PM. The first year or two....it was interesting to stand there and watch these heats occur. Now.....I don't care, and it mostly bothers me.

The amusing thing is that they do advertise this in the local paper.....and I never read it that weekend to catch the notice. This is probably the only paper in the world....that I really don't read, and it comes up to bite me once a year when I miss the notice.