Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Nobel Peace Prize


Vladimir Putin, nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize?

I'm actually suggesting it. It was a brilliant move here, causing ethnic cleansing to counter ethnic cleansing, then using military tank maneuvers to save a democracy by destroying a democracy, and finally, saying mostly stupid commentary to a naive public while justifying your invasion of a neighbor.

I believe the Nobel Peace Prize committee now must meet and consider my nominee. Never before in the history of the Peace Prize....would such a winner richly deserve his win by such tactics.

I'm also considering naming this strategy the "Vlad strategy". I need Henry Kissenger to personally sign off on this deal, but I think its a world-class strategy that we must teach in colleges and on the Discovery channel.

The absolute brilliance here....is the idea of ethnically cleansing.....before the other guy can ethnically cleanse. I can't recall anyone using this strategy in such a manner.....thus triggering a magnificent outcome....such as the Russians have currently.

And here is the cream on the cake. The South Ossetia folks must unit with the North Ossetia folks, who reside north of the Russian border. Now, you would think this enclave would then form up and become a country....but hold on here.....thats not part of the Vlad deal. Vlad just wants the people of South Ossetia to be free. He hasn't said a damn word on uniting the two enclaves or allowing them to form into a country.

Thats the nomination package there....Vlad for the Nobel Peace Prize. And the neat thing for you intellectual dudes and gals....if you give the idiot the Nobel Peace Prize for this....HE WON'T SHOW UP. Thats the kicker. It would make him look like an idiot. So why waste the prize on some dimwit from Peru or someone like Bill Clinton.....give to Vlad....and really poke him good for an eternal brand on his butt.

Enclave Upon Enclave Upon Enclave (Parody)

After having the mighty Russian military save South Ossetia enclave from the evil Georgian Empire....and save the Abkhazia enclave from the evil Georgian Empire....the folks in the Kallinglad enclave quickly stood up and asked for the "protectors of the innocent" (Russia) to protect them.

As days passed and the "protectors of the innocent" fought off the evil. The three Russian enclaves in Lithuania also requested help from the "protectors of the innocent". Russian forces quickly countered ethnic cleansing there.

Then, the two Russian enclaves in Latvia requested the "protectors of the innocent". The Russians surged up and quickly came to cleanse/protect them.

Then, the two Russian enclaves in Estonia requested the "protectors of the innocent". The Russians surged up and quickly came to help cleanse and protect them.

Then, watching all of this from afar.....the Haitian community in Miami asked for Haiti to send troops to help protect their enclave in Miami fight off the evil Florida police. Overnight, six Haitian voodoo doctors and twelve Haitian zombies showed up to help fight for the protection of the Haitian enclave.

Then a dozen Russian enclaves in Ukraine asked for the "protectors of the innocent" to come and protect them.

Then, the beleaguered Irish community of NY City asked for Ireland to bring help to ward off the evil NY City police department.

Then, in Landstuhl, Germany, the local Russian Enclave (locally referred to as a "slum") requested the "protectors of the innocent" to save them. Overnight 400 Russian foot soldiers arrived and began patrol in the German village.

As days lead onto weeks, and onto months.....across the globe.....enclave after enclave was partialed away from state and country.

Even in the mighty state of Bama....grew the enclaves of "Auburn-villa" (home of the Auburn NCAA-ites), "Dry-ville" (home of the dry-county Baptists), and "North Birmingham-ville" (where everyone outside of the area demanded they enclave because it was too "slummy" to stay as plain Bama).

By the end of 2010, there 3,122 enclaves spread out around the world. The UN discovered at this point that each one demanded representation. So the UN building in NY City was totally inadequate at this point to represent the world.

By 2011, almost 1,110 enclaves had sled into bankruptcy and several enclaves had mini-enclaves within them that demanded to split off yet again into another enclave.

By 2012, the New Orleans enclave had failed levies and had over twelve feet of water standing on it. No one really cared and the enclave was officially declared null and non-existent after the mayor's houseboat sunk.

Around 2015, a world conference on enclaves determined it was a total waste of time and effort. They also determined that the "protectors of the innocent" had actually killed over 40,000 enclave members since 2008. And finally....they decided that enclaves didn't really fix anything.

So came to a dramatic end, the era of enclaves.....as the Russians sat there in total shock and weeping at how their house of cards had fallen.