Monday, 17 November 2008

Maximum Turbo Redistribution

As James T Kirk would do....I have ordered the Bama mindship on maximum full thrusters....and have pondered to a far and distant galaxy. I have taken redistribution of wealth to the ninth level and am prepared to blaze a trail toward bold new redistributions:

Redistribution of old junkers. I have taken note....throughout Mississippi and Bama....an extremely high level of 15-year old cars...far more than any of the other 48 states. In order to be fair and balanced to the nation....the time has come for our junkers to be distributed. As your name comes up in the database of owners with cars less than two years old....you will be matched up with those of us from the heartland states (Bama and Mississippi)....and we're swap cars. Don't worry.....its ok....just say it forwards and backwards six times....and you're feel better as you drive away in a 1978 Chevey.

Redistribution of tailer park trash. I have taken note....throughout Missouri...of an extremely high concentration of trailer park trash....far more than the other 49 states. In order to be fair and balanced to the nation....the time has come for our trailer park trash in Missouri to be distributed across America. We'll use IRS computers and basically help find these folks new homes in Burbank, Sierra Vista and Austin. Don't worry....its ok...just say it forwards and backwards six times, and you're feel better.

Redistribution of slutty women. I have taken note...throughout Louisiana...of an extremely large concentration of slutty women....far more than the other 49 states. In order to be fair and balanced to the nation....the time has come for our slutty women in Louisiana to be distributed across America. We'll use IRS computers and basically help find these folks new homes in Orlando, El Paso, and Spokane. Don't worry....its ok...just say it forwards and backwards six times, and you're feel better.

Redistribution of dry counties. I have taken note....throughout Bama....of an extremely high level of dry counties......far more than the other 49 states (well...except Utah). In order to be fair and balanced to the nation....the time has come for our dry counties in Bama to be distributed acorss America. We'll use IRS computers and basically help move these dry countries to Cape Cod, Dallas, and Chicago. Don't worry....its ok...just say it forwards and backwards six times, and you're feel better.

Yes, I am going where no man has gone before...redistribution of all things to all people. Whats good for one, is good for the many. Let me touch your forehead and give you the pleasures of redistribution. It'll feel like no pleasure that you've partaken.

Your only hope.....is that this star ship just might run out of gas and gracefully terminate a very long mission long short of its goals....with no real achievements. Thats your only hope.

Hate Crimes Spiral


Somewhere....in the heartland....in the midst of Utah....this state representative (Eric Hutchings) came up with this fairly radical idea. GI's....Marines, Army, Air Force and Navy....men and women....should get the extra protection in Utah that any other "protected" class receives under the state's "hate crimes" law.

I sat there for several minutes....pondering this suggestion.

Frankly, having been twenty-two years in the Air Force...I'm speaking for myself here....but we really don't want any damn protection under "hate crimes".

This guy...Representative Hutchings, Republican of course, wants to basically fix it that when some idiot wants to assault a GI "for no other reason than they are in uniform", then the full force of the "hate crimes" law falls into place.

I've come to the mind that just any type assault....ought to be a crime, period. The idea of being special...in terms of assault...just doesn't ring any logical bells for me. This political game played out across various stages and fronts in America...has gotten to the point of making life silly and useless.

Do I need a law to protect clowns from assault? Do I need a law to protect banjo players? Do I need a law to protect balding men from Bama from assault? Do I need some special law to protect male midgets with wooden legs from assault? Maybe I'm in some twilight zone and really need a dose of American logic....but I think America is in dire need of a bit of logic from me. My two cents tonight.