Tuesday, 3 March 2009

The Dream Roof

My dad and I chatted yesterday. He had storm damage to the roof of the house, and naturally had the insurance dude come over. They actually paid him a pretty fair sum of money for the damage. So I asked if he was going to fix it right up. And his answer? Yep, shingles were coming down, and he was putting up a nice red tin roof.

I sat there....half-laughing. All my life, I wanted to have a tin-roofed house. To sit there on a rainy evening and listen to the rain hit the roof.....it'd put me to sleep real easily. I can remember as a kid....with the shed right next to the house....in the summer with the window open, you could hear the rain hitting that tin roof.

So when spring finally comes....the renovation will start and the tin roof will be put up.

Stimulus High-Speed Broadband for Heartland

In part of the grand scheme of things...for the stimulus package....is a $7.2 billion dollar effort that President Obama says will close America's "digital divide". They intend to use the $7.2 billion...to bring broadband lines to rural areas in the heartland. Naturally thousands, tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of folks will be working to make this possible.

Since I read up on this last week....it was one of those things that just stuck in my mind...spending so much money to bring high-speed broadband to the heartland. I pondered over this for a pretty long time. Then I started asking myself questions.

If I went to Joe-the-farmer in Tupelo and asked him if he wanted high-speed internet access.....he'd look at me for a moment, and then ask when the hell he'd have time to use because he's working 60 hours a week. Then I'd turn to Larry over in Red Bay and he'd say that he's pretty covered with satellite TV and just doesn't have the time to spare surfing. Then Wanda over in Pulaski would say that she's got enough trouble just washing and ironing Donny's work clothing...and she just doesn't need any high-speed access.

These heartland folks....just won't have much interest. Pretty strange...you'd spend $7.2 billion and just no real appreciation.

So I sat and thought about this some more, and then realized the true value. You see....if a guy in Red Bay can get high-speed access...then he can finally get real porn. You can get subscribed up to fancy video porn sites and then start downloading tons of good stuff.

You see, out in the boonies of America....those guys have been kinda cut out of real civilized advancements....namely....digitized porn. By utilizing the stimulus package....getting real stimulus to the heartland is now possible. Farmer Joe can finally get up an hour earlier and download some fancy Brazilian porn...which you can't normally see in Bama. He'll be able to get some French midget gals wrestling in jello. He'll be able to see real Thai ladyboys. He'll be able to chat with Russian gals dressed in black leather.

Clearly, this is a brilliant move by the Democrats and will anchor down tons of support for future improvements in high-speed broadband.

The only problem I see...if Farmer Joe really gets into this new stuff...and starts cutting back on farming...we might have fewer tons of barley, wheat, grain and peanuts. And Wanda may find that Donny just isn't interested in her anymore....having a higher preference in some Thai ladyboy.