Wednesday, 25 March 2009

The Connecticut Gal

Two days have passed now on our gal in Connecticut who got all fired up to talk to the husband who wanted a divorce....went over....changed the locks on the bedroom whilst he slept....and locked him in the room. Then she handcuffed him to her....and tried to settle his nonsense on getting divorced. I reported this a day ago....more or less.

As we learn today.....Helen has apparently been a bit difficult and been described by the husband as obsessive in nature. Helen is one of them gals who doesn't take no for an answer. She also shows handyman skills at changing locks and screwdrivers.

I'm thinking she will get lots of letters from gentlemen who need a charming and dedicated lady like this. And the handcuff thing? Well....you can overlook it.

Explaining Carbon Credits to a Bama Guy

Recently, carbon credits and global warming have come back up in the news. I sat down and looked through the mess....of figuring a way to explain this whole mess to regular people. The thing is....I wrote the blog on this....about two years ago. I made a rule that normally.....I didn't ever pull out an old blog and just repeat it....but then global warming and carbon credits just aren't that easy to explain and my old blog did a great job.

So, this is it. Mind you....this was built to take carbon credits and compare to roadkill credits....which most of you regular people....and folks from Bama could readily understand.

Realizing some folks, especially from Ripley....just don't get it....I have spent many an hour trying to grasp Kyoto and carbon credits....it is difficult to explain simply....which makes me think it was intentional to avoid regular folks understanding it. So I....have taken this topic....and will now explain to the residents of Ripley. Knowing that none of this makes sense.....I have changed the entire topic...which will make sense. Instead of Kyoto and carbon credits....we will substitute Gadsden and roadkill credits (I know....it is a bit harsh....but lean on the spade a while and listen).

First....a bunch of folks around Bama (actually only 1,000)....came to a conclusion that there were simply too much roadkill in Bama. Didn't matter about how much....it was just too much.

So they started their statistical collections....county by county...all 67. Since they didn't invite the state police, the Baptists, the junior college folks or members of the Bama football team....it wasn't a pure scientific survey...if you know what I mean.

Friends of Roadkill, Friends of Raccoons, the Green Society, the Gorical Clan (head by Al), the Beavers of Baldwin County Society, and the Rattlesnake Foundation of Coosa County were the participants. They came to a grand meeting in Gadsden. It was held at the Motel Six complex there. It was a lively crowd...at least on Friday night when free booze was provided by the Gorical Clan. They talked and talked....and finally on Sunday afternoon....they came to an agreement.

The following weekend....they got a bunch of county commissionars from around the state to come in and discuss the matter. The governor thought it was a swell idea and the Lt Governor just gushed and grinned while the whole thing was being discussed. The interesting thing was...no political genius from the Bama senate or legislature....thought this was smart and all voted against any formal signing. So the day came for the real signing ceremony....where all the county commissioners signed on....but the governor was out of the state....at some bass tournament in New Orleans. The Lt Governor was around....but was having some horses shoed....and just did a interview saying how he thought this was fine. The Attorney General signed for the governor....but no one remembered keeping the signed paperwork after the ceremony in Gadsden.

So it was decided that each county had a problem with roadkill. Some counties had a real serious problem. And some counties barely had any issue whatsoever.

So each were assigned positive or negative roadkill credits. Ifing you were negative....you either improved your situation...or you bought enough positive roadkill credits from the other 66 counties to make up for your situation.

So Lauderdale came up...and sure enough....there were in the worst possible case. Minus 1,000 roadkill credits. Now.....you must realize this....Lauderdale has a big huge woods situation....lots of paved roads....and heavy traffic by folks going to the state-line where booze is allowed to be served. Hint: the Baptists may have rigged Lauderdale's numbers....but you can't prove it.

Now out in Marshall county...they had alot of lake and river acreage....and less paved roads. Strangely enough....they had a positive situation of 1100 roadkill credits. Further down in Greene county....poor as poor can be...they had alot less vehicles and less roads....so naturally....they had less roadkill....and a positive situation of 1300 roadkill credits....which was the best case in the state.

So Lauderdale's county commission met....and decided they needed to either have less roadkill (meaning less speed or less vehicles, in their mind)....or pay to buy positive roadkill credits. Since this being an open-market vehicle....on day-one....Marshall credits were going for $200 per credit so Lauderdale needed $200k to buy all them roadkill credits from Marshall....but they waited. As the weeks went by.....Marshall found more desperate people and sold at $300 per credit. Lauderdale finally ended up with Green county credits....paying down 50 percent now and 50 percent in six months.....at $250 a credit....so they paid total.....$250k.

So then the county commission had to figure how to spread this cost around....since they finally realized that they'd just attach it to the vehicle tax. That made things real simple for them.

So Greene county got this $250k....and they went out and started getting matching funds....and built more roads through the county. As time went by....the credits went up...to $500 a credit. Naturally....people just kept paying....why stop now.

The folks who collected data for the roadkill statistics.....naturally went back each year.....and found no real changes. Well....to be honest....they found that Greene county drastically climbed up on roadkill numbers after three years....but then they had a special graphical display which showed the change of geese migration and higher amounts of sunshine....which only occurred in Greene county apparently.....so the numbers didn't really change. Them Lauderdale folks were peeved about this....but fair is unfair....as they say in Gadsden. The Green folks talked passionately about roadkill and how it weren't right. Them furry animals deserve more of a chance in life. We are destroying our forrests and woodlands.

Eventually....religious groups like the Baptists got fully involved and preached about the furry creatures....telling us the gift of God and how we are responsible. They had prayer session on Wed night.....hoping some folks would more frequent that requirement.

Some politicians started running under the roadkill theme.....less roadkill....better nature. No one discussed lessening the roadkill credits.....those had to continue on. Meanwhile....the Governor moved on and a new Governor came in....and the first thing he said....this was the dumbest thing he ever heard of. Some folks started talking about the fact that this new governor hadn't signed the agreement....then some folks realized that all the signed papers were already turned in and weren't no need for more dimwits to sign a old form.

So finally one day.....a group of 400 Lauderdale hunters said to hell with this....bought 56,000 rounds of ammo....and killed every varmint in the entire county. It was referred to as the "great Shoals Saturday". They didn't talk much about the episode. The folks around the county kept their mouths shut....and waited.

Spring came....the roadkill folks came to collect data. Not a single bit of roadkill in Lauderdale over seven days. It was physically impossible. There were special county officials walking with the Green inspectors. The inspectors could not fix up fake numbers this time. Lauderdale was given a positive ranking of 4000 positive credits and proceeded to sell these for $500 per credit. $2 million came to the county.

The next year....another Saturday walk and every animal killed. Another $2 million came to the county.

By this point....Greene county folks were suspicious and found some Friends of Jesus is Green....and sent them up to check out Lauderdale. The Baptists tried to trip them up....but these folks were more Yankee than Bama.....and they discovered the entire episode.

By this point.....the folks in Montgomery came to realize that this was all a farce.....the credits didn't do nothing....and besides....Lauderdale was now cleared out of any animal life completely....which was never the intention of the whole episode. The real intention....if you didn't understand....was to take money from rich folks in Lauderdale....and send it to Greene county....where folks is poor as poor. So once this scheme was figured out...and had nothing to do with roadkill.....the whole thing went down the drain.

You'd be thinking this is all settled now....no more roadkill taxes....no more fees. But Lauderdale....having killed off all the local critters....now have hunters with nothing to hunt. So they mostly go hunt down in Greene county now....drink cheap beer and ribs there....and stay at a local Motel Six on highway 41. We's all good friends about this and them Greene county folks are friendly about sharing hunting critters.

So....when some fella comes around....talking carbon credits....sit there for a moment....and think about what you is buying and what you are getting in the end. Baptists would like to say one hand washes the other....but in the environmental world.....its more like taking $80 out of your billfold for some trashy trailer-park gal who sips bourbon from the bottle...who winks at you.....unbuttons the top three buttons...then just turns and walks away. If you stand there
long enough and think about it.....you really didn't get anything but eye candy. Maybe that makes you happy....but it ain't worth much in the real world.

So this is my best comparison of carbon credits to something you'd all understand. The truth? Its a scheme to part a guy from his money....and the richer you are.....the quicker this will work.

Capping and Trading

Someone in the past day or two....finally started asking questions about the structure of the President’s “cap-and-trade” carbon reduction scheme.

They finally realized that back in 2000 and 2001, while Barack Obama served as a board member for a Chicago-based charity; he came up and apparently helped to fund a brand new carbon trading exchange. The amusing thing is that its the same exchange that plays a key part in this entire plan in 2009.

Thanks to the Joyce Foundation....and community organizer Obama....almost $1.1 million in two separate grants that were utilized in developing and starting the Chicago Climate Exchange. And in case you wondered....this exchange does call itself "North America's only cap and trade system for all six greenhouse gases, with global affiliates and projects worldwide."

The amusing part of this entire deal....is that the President of the Joyce Foundation in 2000, where this Chicago Climate Exchange started.....was Paula DiPerna.

Guess where Paula is today? She is now executive vice president of the Chicago Climate Exchange, in charge of corporate recruitment and public policy, as well as president of CCX International.

Now....the next question you should ask....how much money are we talking here? The answer.....as best as the experts can figure....$2 trillion over eight years. Naturally, this is three times more than the originally projected cost, was given in a White House briefing to Senate staffers last week and reported by US News and World Report and the Washington Times.

The chances now of this scheme continuing forward? Well....since this bit of news has come out....it’ll naturally trigger some folks into asking stupid questions.
Adding to this....is the fact that 28 U.S. Senators, including West Virginia's Robert Byrd and Michigan's Carl Levin, both Democrats, who apparently have issues. Between the two of them....there promises to be a filibuster in Congress over the entire mess.

From the very beginning of discussion over ‘cap-and-trade’....you had to move forward with some organization playing the middleman.....which is where you need to focus your attention. The middleman is the one that rakes in the cost and arranges the numbers. The second factor....if you haven’t paid attention....is who arranges the data. Most of this data is not absolute....so you have to blend in various factors and come to an imaginary number....which is used to refloat the market each and every day. A true market in the carbon scheme....would then balance in a volcanic eruption when it occurs....and then rebalanced the numbers by tomorrow morning....but as you might imagine...this will never occur.

0C0?

In a neat and tidy memo from the DOD office of security to Pentagon members, the order was given......avoid using the term 'Long War' or 'Global War on Terror' [GWOT.]

The new term? 'Overseas Contingency Operation.'"

So “0C0”?

Yep. We can officially say that the war is over now....and we’ve moved on. The only problem I see with this...is that the conflict can probably erupt within the confines of the US borders....this making the word “0verseas” wrong or illogical. But then, we can use the next phrase or 0C0 version 2.1 or 0C0 version 2.5 if necessary.

Does the word game matter? The honest Bama truth? No. At the end of the day....you could call this anything you want....as long as you react and protect the nation. The sad thing is that a bunch of folks will climb onto this change.....quickly inserting it into their nomination packages, award packages, and organizational changes. And some crafty people will start using “0C0” as a regular term, except you might notice....these are not “O”’s as you’d expect...they are zero’s.