Thursday, 7 May 2009

Why Baseball is So F*cked-Up

In the past hour, we've learned that Manny Ramirez's illegal substance, which got him dumped for 50 games from professional baseball....was NOT “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

In fact....it appears now....it was a substance to boost sex drive. Yep, a really serious problem in major league baseball....limp dongs.

Many players have quietly admitted this terrible and serious passion problem. They'd like to fix it quietly.

The drug that Manny tested positive for....gonadotropin.

Apparently....Major League baseball’s list of banned substances....includes this substance....which strangely enough is mostly used by women as fertility drugs.

So the best we can say here....is that Major League Baseball is totally against erectile dysfunction...and is working on a stiff plan to curb the situation. Manny has a serious problem, and he needs to harden his prospects for the future...without such drugs.

For you limp guys....forget about Major League Baseball...its a clean sport and they don't want you guys all pumped up.

Obama's $17 Billion

It was announced today that the President wants to trim $17 billion off the budget.

I sat for about 30 seconds....pausing ever so slightly...and then decided I could do him a favor, and fix this in about 60 seconds.

We'd just subtract $17 billion off the $750 billion stimulus package. Yep...just trim everyone by half of one percent. And we'd achieve this real quick.

Naturally, I do feel I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize...and would like a free catfish meal to go along with this. I would naturally....decline all alcohol...if this were a dry county.

School Spiral

So it passed....a California committee passed a bill. It basically says that the state's public school children will take a break from learning every year to celebrate Harvey Milk....the homosexual icon who is the "a martyr for gay rights."

This bill encourages all California public schools to "conduct suitable commemorative exercises, but it kinda leaves it open for them to decide. The best part? It requires no parental consent for student participation.

I sat and paused over this.

Just a likely event to come out of this...but a couple of gay-wannabe pretenders in a high school....(fake gays)...could literally take an entire school out within just a few weeks.

All they’d have to do is pretend to have open relationships and fake sex around the school constantly...and talk constantly in the classroom about “bumping” their buddy (picture Southpark scenarios here). Then they could talk constantly about condemns, breakage ratios, and the best lube ingredients to use...always in front of the teachers and the class.

The minute that the school takes any measures against them...bring the ACLU in...and ratchet up the school another notch. You could destroy the effectiveness of a great school in just six weeks....with just four 15-year punk guys doing it.

Its like a game of poker...when you start to fake the other guy out...and double-up the ante....the other side starts to get real nervous. Soccer moms will eventually get irate and demand schools go non-sexual....to stop this mess.