Sunday, 21 June 2009

Czar Me A River

I saw a neat list (I like lists).....of all the Czars in America. Naturally, we aren't talking about royal Czars....but government Czars.

1. Herb Allison-TARP Czar

2. Alan Bersin-Border Czar

3. Dennis Blair-Intelligence Czar

4. John Brennan-Terrorism Czar

5. Carol Browner-Energy Czar

6. Adolfo Carrion, Jr-Urban Affairs Czar

7. Ashton Carter-Weapons Czar

8. Aneesh Chopra-Technology Czar

9. Jeffrey Crowley-AIDS Czar

10. Cameron Davis-Great Lakes Czar

11. Nancy-Ann DeParle-Health Czar

12. Earl Devaney-Stimulus Accountability Czar

13. Joshua DuBois-Faith-based Czar

14. Kenneth Feinberg-Pay Czar

15. Danny Fried-Guantanamo Closure Czar

16. J. Scott Gration-Sudan Czar

17. Richard Holbrooke-Afghanistan Czar

18. John Holdren-Science Czar

19. Van Jones Green-Jobs Czar

20. Gil Kerlikowske-Drug Czar

21. Vivek Kundra-Information Czar

22. George Mitchell-Mideast Peace Czar

23. Ed Montgomery-Car Czar

24. Dennis Ross-Mideast Policy Czar

25. Gary Samore-WMD Czar

26. Todd Stern-Climate Czar

27. Cass Sunstein-Regulatory Czar

28. Paul Volcker-Economic Czar

There are a couple of amusing bits around these Czars. For example....most people agree that Paul Volcker isn't being utilized for anything important and basically just shows up when the president has questions. He looks good in a suit and has a degree via Harvard (thats where all the Wall Street idiots came from who triggered our spiral today). I think the president mostly keeps Paul Volcker on the payroll because no one else would hire him today at the rate he thinks he deserves.

Richard Holbrooke is really doing the job that a junior associate would do in the state department but then they would report to Hillary, and the President doesn't want her handling "big-jobs".

I sat and looked over the list and I have some potential future Czar jobs that I'd like to suggest:

  • Reality TV Czar (to give Paris Hilton a real job)
  • Cattle and Livestock Czar (to ensure everyone has a cow, somehow, someway)
  • News Control Czar (to make sure the right news gets reported)
  • Pumpkin Czar (to help inflate the pricing scheme of pumkins America-wide)
  • Baseball Czar (to dump Barry Bond's records)
  • Wrestling Czar (to bring back old fashion wrestling)
  • NASCAR Czar (to enhance and destroy the sport)
  • Hurricane Czar (to do something that the FEMA non-Czar can't do)
  • Hurricane Katrina Czar (to report weekly to the President on New Orleans)
  • Las Vegas Czar (Mike Tyson's future job)
  • Hollywood Czar (to get the government into Hollywood's business finally)
  • NCAA Football Czar (to bring on the final sixteen tournament idea)
  • Census Czar (to make sure the numbers add up "right")
  • Bluegrass Czar (to take the power away from Kentucky and establish it in New Jersey)
  • Baywatch Czar (to somehow bring back the series)
  • Luxembourg Czar (to educate everyone on where Luxembourg is located)
  • King of Tonga Czar (to better improve relations with the King)
  • Beer Czar (to find better ways of misery and improve beer consumption across America)
  • Donut Czar (to get Dunkins into all fifty states)
  • Victoria's Secret Czar (to get women to dress provocatively, even in trailers)
  • Alien Czar (just in case an alien UFO does arrive, to be based out of Mobile, Bama)
  • Bigfoot Czar (to improve relations with all Bigfoot's and build on a healthcare program for them)
  • Texas Czar (to counter Republican governor efforts there)
  • Nancy Pelosi Czar (to make sure she speaks for the White House)
  • Lube Czar (to make sure more oil changes occur nation-wide, with free vouchers for poor folks)
  • Grill Czar (Permanently given to George Foreman)

No, I don't take any of this serious....thats the sad part of this blog. After a while, you begin to realize that you have a bunch of guys to blame problems onto when your policy doesn't work. So you bring in a new Czar and pretend its a new start. It's bogus management. It's how GM ran its operation into the ground.