Friday, 17 July 2009

IF

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organization....they'd have engineering guys doing medical work, and communications guys doing maintenance work.

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organization....they'd reshuffle all operations, functions, and intercom numbers every six months....just to see if things got better.

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organization....they'd meet and discuss problems for about an hour, and then meet next week to reargue the same problems, and then meet the week after that....to reargue the points again.

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organization....the computers that would break....would require a ticket from some team which might come out in two or three days to advise you that you have a broke computer.

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organizaion....the Captain would decide to move some guy from modular 1-X-4 to 1-X-12 but his intercom number wouldn't be turned into a job order till the day after he moves....and he wouldn't have communications for six days at least.

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organization....there'd be a bunch of contractors on board working for Captain Kirk....who would all be whining about the poor pay conditions of their company that Kirk hired. Eventually, some Romulan organization would buy the contractor company and make them into a defeated force working for Kirk.

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organization....work would stop around 1400 each day while half the crew walked to the BX onboard to get a double XXL Chinco-Chinco coffee "blitz".

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organization....the damn entry badges or the damn entry doors would break on a weekly basis and you'd be waiting for some guy named Gus to arrive and use his 'holy' wrench to fix the problem.

If the starship Enterprise ran like my organization....United Federation of Planet holidays would not be off days for the contractors and they'd all whine because they had to use regular leave to appropariately take the day off.

It's an amusing analysis of how well the Enterprise works.

Honduras and the Opera

Kinda like an opera.....this Honduras episode has yet to end.....and we may have to recruit a dozen fat ladies to sing at the end.

The kicked out dude....former president Zelaya has grasped that just talking down in Costa Rica won't cut it. So he's now said that he's going back to Honduras, period. Didn't say how......might be on the back of a mule or maybe by pontoon boat.

My guess on the scenario? He shows up and gets arrested on day one. The Honduran senate decides that you can only kick the guy out of the country once....if he's stupid enough to return....he's stupid enough to stand trial for something.

A simple case....with only three or four charges will be drawn up. Constitutional violations will be the theme. The supreme court of Honduras will preside over the case. At the end....he will be removed as president (as if he hasn't already been removed), and then sentenced to five months in jail (just enough to cover the remaining time before the election).

I think this has become the best Woody Allen banana-republic script of the past thirty years. You couldn't write better material than this....well....unless it was the Lost TV series.

It would be great if Hillary would fly down and get involved in this.....promising them free universal health care or a arsenal of fighter jets or maybe six hundred tons of cement. I'm sure things would twist a bit and go into third gear. In the end....it's a woeful tale, but without the woe.

It Ought to Be Luck, But It's Not

My brother sent me a home town news note this week....a farm accident of sorts....and a kid dead.

I look back over the 18 years I spent on the farm and the one-hundred odd occasions that I could have done something really stupid and got myself six feet under. The farm is a dangerous place....doesn't matter if its a kid or an adult.

My dad once had me come to spell for him a while. He had agreed to bushhog a low-land area next to a creek for a relative. It was a simple enough job....although most everything was overgrown. Somewhere in the first circle of this area, I came to realize there were a huge number of snakes....which I can only guess they were copperheads....and I had gotten into the wrong area. You could see a jump or two....maybe up to two feet toward the tractor. I was a good four feet above the ground and felt somewhat safe....but if one had been lucky enough to launch high enough....it would have been a major problem.

I once had to drive a truckload of soybeans to the sales point. When you are 16, you really don't know the absolute stopping rate of a overloaded twenty-year old truck. I had some idiot pull out in front of me while I was doing 45 on a four-lane. I had enough time to tap on the brakes and swerve to miss the dope.....and risk turning over the entire truck. Luckily, I guessed right....but it was only a guess.

I became friends in high school with the Barr boys....who were legendary in attempting stupid tricks. Their dad left them with a old pick-up all day with a broken out rear window and a 50 acre field. The guys devised this game where they were to crawl out the windows while moving at 15 mph across this field....move across the truck bed in the rear, and touch the bumper, and then proceed back before the truck ran out of field (a ditch was at the end). They did this over and over, with various variations. It was stupid, and either could have wound up dead.

There are a thousand ways that a guy can end up dead on a farm....just by forgetting common sense. By the grace of God.....I have survived this period.

When I went off to the Air Force, I found myself standing there one day....where one guy was doped on hash and another guy was about trigger an accident because the doped character wasn't reacting. After that, I came to view anything of potential....as a threat.

I sit there and look at a physical event unfolding and always ask questions....stupid and pointed questions. I make the team go over the plan and what each person is supposed to do. I've moved safes up and down strairways. I've loaded 8-ft racks onto trucks, which were tied down to the extreme. I've rigged up antennas on roofs which had to withstand the wind and not fall on some idiot below.

In the end, you can only do so much to prevent a stupid accident. You can't defeat every single potential episode. The thing is....that you really don't want to be the guy left with blame at the end when someone has done something stupid.