Saturday, 15 August 2009

You Damn Yanks (A Parody)

You damn yanks....wussies.

For the past month or two...we Brits have had heard you cuss and fume over British health care....our beloved NHS. You've insulted every which way....and frankly, we're bloody tired of it.

We've lived with national health care for over fifty years and we are damn proud.

When me sister was laid up with a bad hip....she didn't whimper or play out like an American wussy....she stood her ground for eighteen months while awaiting a hip operation. She had resolve....she had guts....like a true Brit, she just gritted her teeth and trudged on.

When me brother was hurting with a smashed foot from work....he didn't act like some wussy American. He waited the eight weeks for the specialist to finally exam the foot....to find it was too late to really fix much of anything. Me brother didn't cry or get whacked out like some American.

When me cousin was waiting two months to see the specialist over her back issues.....she didn't cry daily like some wussy American.

When me neighbor was all laid up with a fever and sweats....and they had to drive him an extra 44 miles because the nearest hospital was over-utilized for the week.....he gritted his teeth and just cussed a wee bit, unlike some wussy American. After we buried him from the missed opportunity of saving his life....we didn't act like a bunch wussy Americans.

Today, as a quarter million Brits stand in the line and await specialized medical care....we aren't complaining or acting like wussy Americans. We've learned to accept pain, suffering, woes and sorrows.

You damn Yanks can have your wussy medical care, thank you please. We Brits have stood a thousand years, without complaining or acting wussy, and we aren't about to allow some damn Yanks to come around and start trouble.

In fact, if you damn Yanks decide you've enough with this "republic" experiment, and you'd like to rejoin the empire...we'd take you under the Queen's authority and put you right kindly under the NHS system. But we'd expect you act tough as nails and show some guts. We don't want any wussy boys in our system.

Well....pardon me now, Yanks. I have to run. My appointment that I made twenty-two months ago to have those six blisters on me butt removed...has finally come up. I can't afford to miss it.....you know.