Wednesday, 16 September 2009

ACORN: Bama Parody

So there in the midst of Red Bay....at the local ACORN office, Jim and Candy walk in. They’ve come to get the “jest” on a fake farm. Jim and Candy are urban folks, with a fascination on getting various tax credits for fake farms. To be honest, Jim and Candy are working for them Republican-funded programs and just plain bogus in nature.

So Juanita stands there and winks at them....while Jim and Candy’s video camera is capturing all of the chit-chat.

Jim explains that he’s heard about fantastic tax credits....and Juanita just grins. She explains that yes....you can fake a farm and just pretend to exist....all legal.
Candy is wearing a skimpy farmer outfit and admiring the fancy farm pictures there in the background.

So Juanita explains...you basically go and get yourself fifteen acres of property....hopefully already farm-capable. Then you have a couple of choices.

First, you can put six cows or twenty goats on the property and just pretend to have pasture property. You call it a ranch or cattle property. Then you buy up a tractor which you use for mowing grass or doing regular garage or shed work, but pretend it’s for actual farm work.

Second, you pretend it’s a forested area and you get seedlings from the state forestry guy for almost no cost and just plant them up and down the pasture area. Whether they grow or mature ever....doesn’t matter. These could be pine or apple or cherry trees....it don’t matter. Again, you buy a tractor as part of the deal and pretend it’s for the actual farm work but you use it around the house.

Third, you pretend to plant something on the acreage. You’d prefer watermelons because then you could sell a whole truckload without any paperwork and claim $200 profit while you spent $1500 on the crop. So then you could get a loss on the whole deal and claim another credit.

Jim and Candy are winking at each other....all hot over this fake farm stuff. Juanita is simply explaining the reality of government benefits. Frankly.....it’s all legal.

At the end, Jim and Candy walk out and run off to their independent studio and announce to the world that ACORN has shown them the secrets of the fake farming businesses. Naturally, a bunch of senators are very upset and terribly bent-of-shape. They start to jump all over ACORN for this terrible, terrible mess. But here’s the funny thing. The tricks that Juanita and ACORN showed? They are legit. They are legal. No one is coming to investigate anyone. The cops don’t care. The IRS guys aren’t capable of understanding this mess. It’s all pretty much going to continue.

So for you guys sitting around Bama.....running your fake farms....rest assured....things are staying the same....even if the slinky hot lusty Candy does convince ACORN Red Bay to hand over the state secrets on fake farms.

This is life in reality.

Lets Get Ready To RUMBLE!!!!


Senator Chris Dodd from Connecticut has had a lousy year...and his chances of winning 2010’s election gets worse day by day.

Today, WWE wrestling CEO....Linda McMahon (wife of Vince...the King of wrestling)....has declared herself up for the Republican nomination and vowing to spend only personal money of her own. It was a laugh or two today as this popped up and folks kinda joke about this.

First, she has to beat the two leading Republican contenders. They might have political charm but she’s the one with common sense and a business background. I think she could beat those two guys.

Then comes the match with Chris. If Linda were to call out Hulk Hogan and go for the underbelly of 18-25 year old votes in the state...she just might capture 80 percent of them. Chris is old school and pretty much lost in this new world. His corruption factor is pumping eight right now on the scale to ten.

I’m fairly sure that Chris will talk down on the wrestling trade, but all Linda has to do is say the word “politician”, and suddenly someone else is more stinky with the public. I think Chris is about to meet his match....and he’s totally unable to compete at her level.

Pure Absolute Racism (Sorta)

Pretty nifty news today. Former President Jimmy Carter wanted everyone to know that U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson's outburst (the “you lie” outburst).....at the speech last week....can only be attributed to an act "based on racism". He then insisted this all related to fears of a black president.

Jimmy’s comments: "I think it's based on racism. There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president."

Jimmy says this is all a terrible and disturbing trend. Sadly, it’s includes now some folks who equate the President to Nazi leaders.

I couldn’t agree more.

Yes, I saw this disturbing trend back in 2003 and 2004....and it’s precisely how former President Carter describes it. In fact, at one point, former President Carter even communicated some borderline racist comments toward President Bush.

While he avoided the Nazi comments.....there were plenty of other folks who just can’t get over the WW II, Hitler, Nazis, and the evil Germany.

So there is still a strong anti-Nazi sentiment in America.....fifty years after the war ended. Surprisingly enough, if you asked half the population who was the American President during this Nazi period.....most could not answer. But the same group would readily refer to Bush or Cheney or Obama as “Hitler-like” or “Nazis”.

Yes, that is our world....and frankly....if President Carter has any more wisdom that he’d like to share....go for it. No one much listened to him in the 1970s....and not much has changed in thirty years.

Here’s the thing....once anyone utters any critical comment against a Latino, Asian, French, German, Swiss, or Black guy.....he’s committed a “Carter-violation”. You simply can’t criticize folks....period. We all need to grasp this and just nod our heads....accepting whatever is put before us....no matter how strong our argument against this person or their political agenda is.

In 1932....this was the trick used in Germany, and it worked wonders. I think we could easily accept this mentality and move forward. Naive Germans accepted it....we aren't much better....apparently.

Bad Durkheim: A Little Experience

My associate at work....went out last weekend to Bad Durkheim. For those of you who may not realize it....it’s wine fest time there. Frankly, the chief purpose of this fest is drink a fair amount of wine.

So he arrives there with his wife and her friend. They walk into the fest tent and see a table with two couples at one end.....an old guy in the middle....and open at the end. So that sat down.

It took barely a minute for the old guy to start jabbering away at them....in some unknown language. It wasn’t German, French, or Italian. They though it might be Flemish but never knew. The guy was in his 70’s....and kept talking while they kindly tried to make him understand that they didn’t understand a damn thing.

So after the drinks were served and this guy was continuing to try to talk to them....they decided to move to another table. Then the old guy grabbed the arm of the wife’s friend. My associate realized that things were a bit more testy than originally thought. So he came around and got the guy to release her and he was about to turn and leave....when the old guy grabbed his shirt and got a firm grip on him.

There was this brief discussion between my associate....retired navy (he’s been in a fight or two in his navy days)....and the old guy. One in English....the other in some unknown language.

My associate wanted to punch the guy but this reality of getting his name in the base paper (“contractor beating defenseless old Flemish man” was in his mind).

So then my associate turned toward the bartender and yelled “polizei”.....probably about twenty or thirty times....figuring the bartender or someone there would see the problem and call the cops.

Nothing occurred. In typical German fashion....they did NOTHING. They merely watched.

Finally....after a minute of this yelling....some German waitress came over and waved a white hanky in front of the guy....and as if by “magic”....he turned loose. My associate, his wife and friend then paid, drank the wine, and left.

The old guy went back up front to buy another drink but they wouldn’t serve him anymore. So he went to the next fest tent.

Stuff like this happens at wine or beer fests. The only advice you can give...is not to swing a fist at someone....and maybe carry a white hanky in your pocket.

Ted's Legacy

For those who kinda missed any mention on ABC, CBS, NBC or MSNBC of the Massachusetts Senate situation....the White House is now pressing hard to get the state to for a law change to fill Kennedy’s Senate seat until the 19 January special election is held.

Will there be a change? For some reason....a number of the players from the state senate there aren’t talking and aren’t really pumped up to make a change. There is some fear that the governor would appoint Ted’s wife or Ted’s nephew (another Kennedy in name). Some folks keep saying that they’d naturally name the old governor....Michael Dukakis or the former DNC Chairman Paul Kirk (both considered just temps).

The amusing thing here is that some folks think the temp bait is just that....and that Vicki would get the call in the end.

The urgency here? The White House needs just about every available liberal democrat....alive or half-dead (let’s not discuss names here)....to get the medical care program passed. They figure that at least eight democrats are now standing against the program. So Ted’s replacement is desperately needed now.

My impression? I think the top guys of the Massachusetts state senate are smiling because they want something....and someone is going to have to come up with that before they make a move. It’s either state federal road money....defense structure money....bridge money....or invisible farm money. The longer they wait....the bigger the pot has to be.

Who gets picked as the temp? I’m betting on Vicki. This is the entire game. She comes out and then gets points in January in the election....and then continues on (if you were a dreamer).

Motel Home Life

There is an intersting story out of Massachuttes today.

Folks in the statistics department have discovered that the number of homeless families living in motels (paid by the state)....total more than 1,000. The curious thing is that this is a healthy 37 percent gain since 1 June. Curious about the cost? Well....$2.8 million a month. Naturally, taxpayers cover this...if you were further curious.

All people can say about the matter is that the state is undergoing a significant recession...high unemployment, and it seems like the foreclosure trend is still spiraling upward there.

I had a good laugh when the executive director of the program covering this admitted that motels aren’t equipped to take care of families long-term and this was a lousy choice of home.

They seem like awful nice folks up there in the Boston area. In Bama, we would kinda hint to you that maybe you ought to move back in with Momma or your sister or your Uncle. We wouldn't be pulling out $1,500 to cover a month of motel rental somewhere for you and the family.

I've come to realize over the years that if you grew up in the New England states...the last place on Earth that you'd ever go in an emergency to live...is back to your parent's house. I asked someone from Philly about that once, and his response was that your family just got all over your case after a month to get moving on.

I sat there for a minute considering Bama....and they'd still be serving you their best chicken or steak almost 100 days into the experience...and that was pretty much the signal that things were still ok in the house. When they drove you over to Piggly Wiggly and got you in front of the manager for a job....that was typically the signal that you might had overstayed.