Monday, 21 June 2010

The Hell Option

My associate at the office is a 7th Day Adventist guy. He just moved up in the last six months to me....and left his old congregation down in a southern state that I will leave nameless.

He sat and told me a recent update on his old church. The 7th Day crowd are kinda like the Methodist and they rotate ministers to ensure they don't get to cozy with the locals. So this guy's minister was approaching the time to pack and move.

It's an interesting thing...over the past three years...this young minister of 30 years old....was single and attracting one particular lady in the congregation. Sadly, he didn't really want to mess with her and had help from the Deacons on several occasions to get him out of a bad situation. The gal is around 34 and single (never married). She'd decided from the first month or two after he arrived....that he was "the one".

So in the last my associate went back down to visit...there was the last sermon from the minister and a church social. The lady came up with most of the elders of the church there...and announced that God had spoken to her...and they were "to be married".

Naturally, silence filled the room.

The minister did his best at this point.....saying that he hadn't heard any angels directing him and that this might be a confusing message that she misinterpreted.

She said "no, there was no confusion here".

Some of the elders kinda set things straight as they saw it. God didn't send any message as far as they could see. As the episode wrapped up....the minister announced he'd miss everyone and he was changing his cellphone when he left for the next job.

I'm guessing this gal is praying for angels to deliver his address at the new site as quickly as possible, and get another message to continue to pursue him.

I sat and pondered over this story for a while. In Bama, we have episodes like this. Although typically...the Baptists just have some kinky weird sexual relationship and just see how far it gets before they have to run the minister off.

Usually if a gal comes up in Bama, and says God told them of some marriage situation with a's pretty drastic. A guy would have to pull out his beer bottle collection and show his "Going to Hell" get a gal off his front porch. If she's a strong-willed Baptist....she'll just say that she can help him overcome his issues.

So it goes. I'm guessing there's a minister out there tonight...worried about some gal showing up on the front door step.

And there's probably 10,000 single guys in Bama....worried that some religious nut of a gal will show up and claim Jesus or some angels said that they ought to be married. That'd sure mess up that bluegrass concert they were going to attend this weekend.

Bernie's Billions

An inmate kinda overheard a conversation with Ponzi king Bernard Madoff....and Bernie says he hid over $9 billion before they carted him off to jail. The inmate says it's a friend of Bernie that is hold the capital.

I read this story, and sat there for a while. Here's the funny thing. I'm hoping this is false...because if's true...then the SEC and their investigation team is totally worthless, and they have never detected this $9 billion dollar transfer from all the data they collected.

Can you imagine this image? Bernie hears that something is about to come down...and he starts moving funds around over a weekend...and by Monday...has $9 billion off-shore (my guess), and hidden so well...that the incompetent fools at the SEC never detect this money?

If this were proven to be true....I'd just bring in the top 300 members of the SEC...and terminate them today from their job. I'd move everyone up a notch...and then go to find new employees with degrees from the University of Texas, the University of Utah, and the University of Iowa. If you even hinted to me that you were a MBA guy from Harvard...I'd fire you.

Should the White House be concerned? Well...let's say that someone screws up here and proves that Bernie's buddies hold the $9's on your watch...not GW's watch. I'd say this is a major problem to explain in public.

Just An Update

If you haven't followed the disappearance of the seven-year old kid from Oregon from two weeks ago....Kyron Horman....then a slight update.

This was the kid whose stepmother brought to school and attended a science fair as school started up early in the morning. The stepmother stayed for half-an-hour, and watched him walk down the hallway. He never came home from school that day. And it was realized later than he didn't attend any classes for the day. So he disappeared shortly after she saw him go down a hallway.

To bring you up to date....and I kinda suggested from two weeks ago when I blogged this story then...the stepmother is becoming the number one candidate in this episode.

Several things have been noticed now.

First, the cops have been asking everyone from that school that morning if they saw either Kyron or his stepmother there. It appears that they aren't having much luck in finding a single kid remembering Kyron or teacher remembering the stepmother there. There were alot of parents there...but they suspect that the kid and stepmother were never there.

Then, they decided last week to invite the stepmother for a lie-detector test. Things didn't go well. You see...they have the cellphone records....and it kinda tracks you as you go from one district to another. She went over to a island about five miles away from the home that morning....and it appears that she didn't want to mention that in the lie-detector test.

She was to show back up Saturday....for lie-detector test number two. This isn't a good sign for her.

She apparently hasn't given any real answer over the island visit or the necessity to travel there. Cops have been out to the island and probably spent a good bit of time this weekend trying to guess what she was doing there.

I looked over the island, compliments of Google maps and imagery. It's not a real to speak. It's more like an area with several creeks and streams splitting up a mass of land, and just referring to the land as an island. At one end is an actual river. The curious thing...lots of dirt roads are obvious...which lead up to creeks and streams....along with swampy areas and sandbars. If you were going to dump a body somewhere....this would be a five-star place to do it and have it never found.

I suggested in my blog from two weeks ago...that the stepmother likely did the job...and I think I will be right in the end.

The Trouble with Commissions

The news folks finally sat down and examined the seven folks that were mentioned as the new commission on the Gulf oil spill. They were supposed to come back and tell the President what to do over this whole thing.

Most folks had this expectation that the commission were made up of folks who had a science background....and engineering background....a disaster background....or perhaps even a environmental background. Any of those would have made sense.

It's a curious thing...only one of them has any technical knowledge that could ever relate to situation like this.

You've got one guy who who is an environmental scientist.

A second one actually does have a engineering type degree...with lots of knowledge...but over optics and physics.

The rest? Well....they are degrees and backgrounds in management and making policy. That's it.

This is the funny part. The inside story is that the commission of seven folks will actually have to go and find folks who have backgrounds or have expertise in disasters like this....or oil drilling expertise....or clean-up expertise.....and literally make them "mini-commission" order for this to work. Luckily....the "mini-commission" folks....won't write or be a part of the final recommendations. We wouldn't want that to happen.

This is kinda like having a commission on baseball...but all seven members have no background in baseball. One might be a former football player. One might have designed basketball arenas. One might be a hot dog expert. But no real expertize in baseball....thus they will pronounce judgement over the sport anyway.

This is kinda like having a commission on chainsaws....but all seven members have no background in chainsaws. One might be a former Avon-sales lady. One might have driven a lumber delivery truck while in college. But no real expertize in chainsaws....thus they will pronounce judgement over chainsaws anyway.

Finally, this is kinda like having a commission over beer...but all seven members have no background in beer. One might be a strict Baptist from a dry county. One might be a wine expert. One might even be a former alcoholic who was partial to whiskey his entire life but never ever sipped a beer. Thus, no real expertize over beer and they would pronounce judgement over beer anyway.

Its strange how this commission stuff really works. Maybe it's a good thing that everybody laughs about commissions anyway.