Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Predictions

About once a year, I'll go out and make my predictions for the future. Today, I'll take the full step and make twenty predictions for the next decade.

- I'll predict that post offices change to a 3-day a week delivery system within the next decade, and frankly...you won't even care.

- I'll predict that by 2022....in towns of less than 3,000....few if any towns will have a pharmacy or drug store. Drug purchases will be mostly by the internet and delivered via UPS or FEDEX.

- I'll predict that you are taxed via your state on your car mileage. As you roll in for your yearly car inspection....some guy will note the mileage and you will get a nice reminder a month later that you owe $400 for what you drove over the past year.

- I'll predict that Lady Gaga ends up marrying some New York Yankees player, then divorces him within six months to marry some freaky gal out in San Fransisco. She'll try her best to convince you that she's a modern day Marlyn Monroe.

- I'll predict that Newsweek no longer exist by 2022. Time will be around and run by radical Chinese leftists out of Hong Kong when they purchase the bankrupt magazine for $944.

- I'll predict that Senator John Kerry is asked to replace Hillary Clinton as chief of the State Department, and then has to endure an embarrassing episode over his discharge paperwork from the Navy. He eventually is approved and serves two years.

- I'll predict that some nine-year old kid takes his $400 birthday money from Grandma and opens an investment account, and then over two years has gains of twenty thousand dollars.

- I'll predict that Katie Couric is hired by MSNBC to replace Keith Olbermann. Viewership declines by four percent but in a really fortunate sense of luck.....Katie is locked into a terrific 3-year contract. Fox News sweeps in and hires Keith for his old salary and puts him on with O'Reilly and the two actually become good friends.....as Keith becomes a far right-wing guy to the liberal side of O'Reilly.

- I'll predict that a reality show on MTV is eventually developed on four farmers from Bama. The four end up as Hollywood legends and one ends up giving up farming and moving to Beverly Hills.

- I'll predict a highly popular lesbian vampire series out of Memphis will be developed with a Elvis look-a-like protecting the locals.

- I'll predict that some baseball player has implants done and is an official she-male by 2022.

- I'll predict that congress will consider a ban on bacon, and then instead tax the heck out of it.

- I'll predict the Universal Health Care program does start on schedule, and is deemed an enormous failure by 2016. At least four percent of the public will openly refuse to contribute and IRS undergoes a radical period with significant turnover as folks confront them openly and without any hesitation. An airline operating out of Miami will transport folks down to Havana for medical procedures when they can't get service via their local medical group.

- I'll predict that California does declare bankruptcy in order to receive enough funding to survive 2012. Most folks with pensions are then forced into a new scheme that cuts their pension by forty percent. Lawsuits entangle this mess and cause the entire government to freeze as strikes occur daily. By 2016, four percent of the state population have packed up and left the state, with tax revenue leaving the state unable to sustain much of anything other than pensions, fire protection and the police department. Most state universities will be declared private and independent in order to survive.

- 3-way marriages will be legal by 2017 in California. Cousin-to-cousin marriages will be legal in California by 2019. And marriages to imaginary people will be legal by 2022 in California.

- Marijuana will be legal in nine states by 2022. It'll be taxed and most folks won't notice much of a difference.

- Muslim Imams will freak out when they find that they are losing a quarter of their Islamic members in southern states each year by 2022. They will eventually declare the south to be a problem area and demand all members pack up and move to New York City.

- Some Chinese company will buy the reproduction rights to the British MG and reproduce the 1968-look entirely with a updated engine. It'll still be a death-trap but a huge seller.

- Congress will wake up before 2020 and realize whatever they wrote in the massive banking reform act of 2010....didn't really do much of anything....so they go back and wrote a 3,000 page new bill to fix everything, again.

- I'll predict that when immigration reform finally arrives.....over fourteen million Latinos register against 400,000 "others" (Russian, Thai, Chinese, etc). By 2022, it'll be determined that another immigration reform episode is required. Everyone will seem amazed that the previous immigration reform wasn't fixing the problem.