Analogy of a Dashiki

Alicia Shepard is the ombudsman for NPR.  She's the one who is supposed to guide the organization on journalism ethics.

Today....to offer her vast analysis over Juan Williams and his firing.....she spoke: "I can only imagine how Williams, who has chronicled and championed the Civil Rights movement, would have reacted if another prominent journalist had said: ‘But when I get on a plane, I got to tell you, if I see an African American male in Dashiki with a big Afro, I get worried. I get nervous."

This was supposed to be her analogy to show people how "fair" things are supposed to be.

I sat there for a while....pausing over this comparison.  An African-American guy in a Dashiki with a big Afro.  Nervous?  Me?  Worried?  Me?

I reviewed a moment of history over forty years in America.  How many African-American guys in a Dashiki and a Afro....ever did a mass killing?  Answer?  None.

In fact, if I were on an airplane, and some Islamic character was a threat....the one guy I could probably count on is the African-American with the Afro....whether he had the Dashiki on or not.  It'd be a race between me and him over which one could take down the Islamic dimwit faster.  Later, we'd share a beer and compliment each other on the technique of taking down a fool.

Alicia Shepard....I realize you've got a pretty good job with NPR....but I suspect that your vast analysis has kinda sunk to the bottom of the harbor with the anchor.  If this Dashiki comparison is the best you can whip up....I'd start looking for a job with the city newspaper up in Boise.  In fact, I'd like to challenge you to find a case where a Dashiki-dressed guy in America has ever gone out and killed anybody.  Come on......you've got brilliant thoughts on this topic....surely, you can support your statement.

For NPR....a suggestion here.  Your brand-name has slipped.  Your sales job is comical.  I'd almost suggest that you guys are attempting a Monty Python-moment.  Perhaps it's time to hire some Islamic guys to run your ombudsman program and do a daily show on Islamic life in America.  I'm pretty sure your consumers would enjoy the entertainment.

A Dose of Modern Society

One of the interesting stories that wasn't going to be reported much....up until the Juan William's firing at NPR....was this $1.8 million deal from billionaire George Soros (actually his foundation, but it's still his money in the end).

The $1.8 million (expected to be a yearly donation) is supposed to cover a new "wing" of the NPR side of business.  It's a curious thing.  It's not for classical music, opera or jazz.  It's not for international news.  Instead, it's to put two NPR journalists in every state capital.

We don't know much beyond that statement.  I'm guessing NPR hasn't asked many questions, and they'd prefer not to explain how this will work or why it was necessary.  So I'll answer it for them.

There will likely be a senior journalist hired that will really be a part-time job for some local newspaper from the state capital.  He likely already covers the political side of the capital....so it won't be a big deal for him to put ten hours a week into writing or speaking on more state politics.

Then, we'll have a junior journalist...likely straight out of college in the past year and they will get a chance to study under the senior journalist.....mostly to develop connections and prepare to take the senior slot in five to ten years.  Don't worry....NPR can find a way to dump the senior guy by that point.

Together, the two will do a radio update link each evening....and maybe pass fifteen minutes of what's happening in the capital.  It'll be softball tosses in the beginning.  The two will appear as supportive to each side as possible in the first year.  By the early part of 2012....things will slide a bit as they start picking more on conservatives at the state level.  The timing of this....going with the election of 2012....if you were wondering.

A curious thing will develop by this point....where your local stations will start to note more of these reported events by the dynamic duo in the state capital.  You can imagine the channel eleven folks getting a report from Gus and Charley....then repeating it as fact....whether it was 100 percent fact or 10 percent fact.  The local guys won't be bright enough to figure this out.

Eventually, Fox will appear in the state capital as well....and have one of their guys reporting via the state stations associated with Fox.  Strangely enough, the Fox reporter at the state capital will report a very different group of topics from the NPR dynamic duo.  Locals will notice this after three or four months.  Some folks will ask how and why....but no one will be able to figure this out.

Eventually....there will be Glenn Beck-like characters in every state....discussing each evening the comings and goings of your local political folks in Little Rock or Montgomery.  You will get furious and then jump in the pick-up to drive over to the state capital (something you've likely never done in your life).  You will find two guards to the state capital entrance....facing 3,000 angry conservative guys.  Even the state agriculture commissioner will wonder what the heck happened and how 95 percent of the state residents now know him by his first name.

Months will pass while the nation descends into a massive mess where folks talk politics sixteen hours a day.  Even sports bars start to close as political chat bars open.  Topless bars notice things decreasing and add a conservative stripper and a liberal stripper.    For some reason, the liberal stripper always mentions health care as she disrobes...but ninety-eight percent of the guys never catch that mentioned topic.

Eventually, another part-time journalist program will be developed by NPR to place in each of the 3,000 counties of America....which will then report the political comings and goings at your front-door step.  After three months....you will be able to name all seven members of the city council and all nine members of the county commission.  You will know that county commissioner Bob Smith is mostly drunk while at the meetings but he's a democrat and that's acceptable behavior....as your NPR host will educate you on these matters.

At some point....some folks will finally have enough of this and put a layer of tar on some local NPR host....then run them out of town.  The same folks will journey down to the state capital and look for the two guys there....layer them up with tar....and run them out of town.

NPR will be very upset about this tar and chasing-out-of-town business.  Yes, very upset.  Then some journalists from NPR...will ask for pay raises for the trouble involved....and discover NPR isn't appreciative of their efforts at the state and local levels.

In a way, it's a brilliant move by Soros and his machine.  Within a decade....your distrust in American politics will have pumped itself up to maximum power.  You will grow to hate NPR, journalism, and anything to do with "news".