Friday, 22 April 2011

One Way or Another

I grew up about a dozen miles away from Town Creek, Bama.  If you were asking me to describe the town....then I'd tell you was an intersection town (Highway 72 and 101) that was mostly in the midst of nowhere.  Growing up....I can remember three or four gas stations there, a grocery, a shoe store, and two cafes.

The significance of Town Creek?  It was a local point where cotton got delivered for a hundred years.  Truckers stopped and fueled up.  And they had a high school.  That was about it.

This week....things changed and they moved up a notch.

The local cop got a call to quickly come out to some gal's house.  There was a report of a naked man in the midst of the house.....and he wasn't supposed to be there.

The facts as we can determine.....there was a naked man in the house, who was taking down family photos from the wall as the cop arrived.  The cop naturally asked who he was, and the guy responded "Jesus Christ".

Now, typically....cops in Bama don't normally come into contact with "Jesus Christ" very often and I'm guessing that this cop stood there for a good thirty seconds....contemplating if maybe Revelations were now going into effect....end-of-times....and this might actually be the big deal that mama used to talk about during July revivals.  Then after a brief pause.....the cop determined that "Jesus Christ" would have likely returned and wore clothing....if he were actually the real guy.  The fact that this guy was naked.....probably hurt his case a bit.

After a bit of detective work....it was determined that "Jesus Christ" was actually Jeremiah Wade Buxton, of Moulton (29 years old).  The charges currently?  Third-degree burglary, third-degree criminal mischief and indecent exposure.  There was a suspicion that Jeremiah was on drugs, so they did test him.....meth and grass.

The best quote?  The local police commented: “He said he was in heaven and he had cleansed himself of the old person.  I asked why, and he said that was part of cleansing and he got rid of his old clothes.”

The curious part of this story?  Jeremiah got into an argument with a member of his family back earlier in the day out on Highway 101 (remember, you can only get there via 71 and 101).....about his refusal to wear a seatbelt.  Apparently, the family member and Jeremiah went on and on about wearing seatbelts.  Jeremiah just wasn't going to do it.  Finally, the argument got so intense....that Jeremiah asked that the vehicle be stopped....he jumped out....jumped the fence....and ran off.  Later on....he removed his clothing and became "Jesus Christ" briefly.

The thing about living in Bama....is that ten percent of Bama folks are actually waiting hour by hour, day by day, for "Jesus Christ" arrival.  If you brought up the topic, they'd actually describe what they'd put on, what soap they'd use to get cleaned up for the event, and the "howdy" they'd devised to greet him.  These folks have a lot of patience and readily admit that it might take a while but they intend to be ready.

You can imagine the cop on duty.....a guy who probably has seen a good bit of stuff in life....and this moment of some naked guy announcing himself as "Jesus Christ".  It would likely take the wind out of your day, and make you pause briefly.

My guess is that Jeremiah has been bailed out by relatives.  The relatives are a bit embarrassed by this mess, and already taken forty phone-calls from neighbors and friends.  Some folks might actually take this serious and believe for a moment that Jeremiah might have taken enough drugs to have what old-time gospel folks call a "vision".  Naturally, this would trigger folks into asking for a sitting-spell with Jeremiah to see if he has any other visions to share.

In the months to come....Jeremiah will share his visions, and eventually realize that this was all pretty stupid, and then move off to California to become a body builder and part-time diesel mechanic.  It's guys like him....that make Bama famous....one way or another.

When the Pot Over Flowth

You know when you've got too much tax revenue....when you send twenty Ohio cops (not federal, but state) to Turkey to study terrorism up close and personal.  The total spent?  An audit by Homeland Security who "gave" the money away....says $227k.  That comes out to over $10k per cop for this trip.

For those who have never been to Turkey....allow me to part the curtain and give you a brief economic lesson.  From Germany, you can purchase a round-trip business executive-class ticket for approximately $700 (via Turkish Air out of Frankfurt).  Toss in a $1k for the round-trip ticket from Ohio to Frankfurt....you are at $1700.

Depending on the time of year.....if you select October to April.....you can actually get a five-star room (remember, these are cops, and they need only the very best) for around $500 a week.  That includes buffet meals (all you can eat) and a completely open bar with wish-washy drinks for around $100 for the entire week.  So you could enjoy a great hotel, eat all day long and drink all night long.....for $500 a week.

So the cops could have spent three months in Turkey and even had a rental car for each guy....if they knew the economic workings of Turkey.  My guess is this became a package tour deal, which some travel agent in Ohio worked up and the twenty guys barely spent two weeks in Turkey.

This $227k was more or less dumped as quickly as possible.  Your congressman and Senator weren't privy to this situation.....it came straight from Homeland Security and was quietly hidden in their yearly budget.  This is where you start to wonder if expenditures of the US government is a problem.