Friday, 14 October 2011

The Flea Party

In the last day or two.....news commentators have finally given a name to the "Occupy-Wall Street crowd".....the "Flea Party".  The cause to this?  New York City sanitation experts have stood up and declared the park where the protesters camp out.....to be in terrible sanitary condition.  Waste has built up....human waste smell is starting to pick up.....and the locals who actually live there are complaining about the smell at this point.  The City is hoping that everyone will vacate today while the company with the contract does a professional cleaning of the park (high-pressure hoses and lots of ammonia).  Naturally, you can expect some grass to die.  The protest crowd hasn't said if they will vacate.

If you had to pick a title for your campaign effort.....flea party just doesn't work.  It's a lousy description and makes most people laugh when they hear it.

What happens if they decide against vacating for a day, with no cleaning accomplished?  My guess is that some mystery illness will start to show up around late October.  A strange cough.  Five guys with serious diarrhea.

Camera crews from the media will eventually refuse to shots at the park, and demand interviews take place at least a block away.  It'll be obvious from the angle of the shots that they don't want to admit they stopped action at the park....but you figure it out after five or six interviews.

Here's the comical side of this camping business.  If you went to some raw camping site and just stayed a week....there's zero chance of any sanitation issues.  If you went to a professional camp ground.....with fancy toilets and a staff that did maintenance everyday, there would be zero chance of any disease popping up.  When you do a unplanned camping....lasting potentially weeks and weeks....with lots of people doing their business at night because they just don't want to walk to portable toilets....things go downhill fast.

As the weeks go by and the flea party earns its name....jokes will be made and comical sketches will be acted out.  Parents will worry about Johnny Junior who should have stayed at the pizza job instead of running off to New York City.  Grandma will worry about her niece Wanda who was doing part-time work at the library after spending $100k to get her degree, and Wanda is camping with the crowd.  And Uncle Jim will be all upset over his wife jumping up and running to New York City because she overdosed on Matt Lauer's Today Show episode and thought the flea party was "cute".

It's best in the end to just pray for them and their health.    And for you tea party folks....don't worry, you still don't have much competition.

Blacksmithing and Regulation

Once upon a time, in 1880, Gus arrived in town to open a blacksmith shop.  We were a small town of two hundred people, a general store, a saloon, and a total 300 horses within the local area.  Gus erected a small building and had wood fence put around the side, and in three short weeks.....had the first blacksmith shop in operation.

A year passed, and the town incorporated, thus creating a city council, a mayor, and a sheriff.  The population had surged to 244 residents.  The first order of business, was a license fee....to cost $4 a year to run a business within the city limits.  The fee required an attorney (there was only one in town) to submit a page to prove the trustworthy character of the business.  

A month passed, and the city council passed an ordnance that settled on a limit of all business signs in town. The blacksmith shop sign was too big, and had to be removed.  A new sign cost $2 to paint and erect.

A month passed, and the mayor issued a directive that businesses had to have a hitching post erected in front of their establishment.  The blacksmith shop had one post, which failed to meet the mayor's directive....so they had to build a new one.

A month passed, and the city council passed a rule that horse manure to be removed from any and all places within public view of the street.  Gus hired a 10-year old kid to come over after school each day and remove the issue in order to meet the law.

A month passed, and the city council passed a rule that only 12-year old kids could work for businesses in town.  Gus fired the 10-year old kid and hired a 12-year old kid.

A month passed, and the city council issued a law that only hotels could rent sleeping accommodations to visitors.  The cow-hands who gave Gus ten-cents to sleep on his straw in the stable were kicked out.

A month passed, and the city council passed a rule that every business had to offer free water to horses, and it had to be refreshed every seven days.  Gus spent $3 building up a trough for the city council.

A month passed, and the city council passed a law that required all businesses to shut down completely on Sundays. Gus had to pay $1 a week to the Sheriff to overlook his business as part of the bribe scheme.

A month passed, and Gus decided that enough was enough......he'd move his blacksmith shop 500 feet outside of town and avoid the trend of regulations.  The town quickly passed a new law that extended the city limits to one-mile outside of the present border.

A month passed, and the city council passed a law that required all dead horses to be officially stamped "dead" on a certificate before being dragged out to a local town burial site for horses.  This certificate would cost 25-cents via the city clerk.

A month passed, and a fire ordnance was passed.  Gus had to spend around $50 to improve the blacksmith and stable operation.

A month passed, and Gus started to sell special salve for horse injuries.  The city passed a law that only a certified horse doctor could sell such a salve, and this yearly license would cost $5.

At some point, Gus decided that enough was enough, and shut down the blacksmith shop....and just sat around the saloon to drink booze.  Everyone was confused over why there wasn't an operational blacksmith shop, and why an honest man would just sit around and drink booze.....rather than work for a living.  Gus just grinned, and admitted he'd be regulated to non-existence.....and it felt good to finally be in a occupation where there just weren't any regulations.

In the real world of 2011.....if blacksmithing were still an actual business....controlled by towns, counties, states, and federal government.....there would likely be 22,000 pages of text over the business of blacksmithing.  Once you admit that.....it's all a joke.