Unwritten Laws

There are various unwritten laws that exist today.....which folks tend to gravitate over to....mostly because of logic and common sense.  So this is a list of twenty of these laws:

1.  Murphy's Law: Generally,  if something can go wrong....the odds are in the favor of that occurring.

2.  Sod's Law: Generally, as things are going wrong....it's best to just accept this as some accident or fate.

3.  The Ballpark Law: Generally, if you build it, they will come.  No one says who 'they' are, but just that they heard about you building something and need to check it out.

4.  The Indian Law: Generally, you can't ride a dead horse.

5.  The Whiskey Law: Generally, what whiskey cannot cure....there is no cure.

6.  The Septic Tank Law:  Generally, once you pull out the shovels, you need to start planning on a 12-hour day and hope that the ground temperature is 32-degrees or more.

7.  The Baptist Chat Law: Generally, never engage in conversation with a Baptist enthusiast over wet-dry issues, Revelations interpretations, or houses of ill-repute (they usually want to know the location).

8.  The Handling of Delusional People Law: Generally, just about everything they say....didn't happen.  The landing of the UFO in their cornfield, the phone call from President Trump, and the girlfriend from Selma.....none of those events likely occurred.

9.  The Wal-Mart Law:  Generally, if they don't sell it.....you don't need it.

10.  The Food Poisoning Law:  Generally, a $6 bad case of food poisoning can occur with the same power and intensity.....as a $25 bad case of food poisoning.

11.  The Birmingham, Alabama Law:  Generally, there are cities and villages in Afghanistan which are safer after 10 PM at night to walk around, than within the city limits of Birmingham.

12.  The True Grit Law:  Generally, if you've fallen into a pit of snakes....things aren't likely to go well.

13.  The Diarrhea Law: Generally, if you consume a fair bit of booze nightly, eat high-content fatty food and excessive fruits, mix a hefty amount of dairy products into your diet, drink four or more cups of coffee each morning, enjoy eight slices of bacon each breakfast, and toss down two or three boiled eggs each morning....then you ought to expect extreme diarrhea by 9 AM.

14.  The Hurricane Law:  Generally, even if the President and Governor both encourage evacuation of areas on the beachfront due to an oncoming hurricane....there's pretty good odds that 3,000 Alabama folks would like to drive down and observe the hurricane first-hand (on the beach) because they've never seen such a thing before.

15.  The Thanksgiving Law:  Generally, no one ever loses weight from late November to early January.

16.  The Mennonite Law:  Generally, things stopped advancing around 1890.  If they'd just accepted 1918....they'd still be driving Ford Model T's today instead.

17.  The NCAA-Alabama Law:  Generally, the University of Alabama must fit into the final bowl selection process, unless some freak of nature has occurred.

18.  The Governor Bentley Law: Generally, if you hire up someone to be your closest advisor and some inappropriate lusty stuff goes on.....it's best that you don't get bugged or recorded talking about your 'feelings'.

19.  The Fork-in-the-Road Law:  Generally, if you've reach a folk in the road, with no map, no directions, no signs....it's best to ask the first guy riding a horse or mule down the road about where this path will take you.  It should not matter if he's a Republican or Democrat....a tobacco chewer....or wearing flip-flops.

20.  The Sandbag Law: Generally, if you've filled a hundred sandbags....you tend to reach a pondering stage asking yourself if maybe this just isn't the right place to live or camp upon.  By that point, it's really too late.