This week, President Trump came out in the Alabama GOP Senate race and endorsed 'Tubby' instead of Sessions. Some folks think it's a big deal....some folks think less so. If Tubby wins this run-off? I would speculate that somewhere along June/July....we will learn of Tubby's sins (compliments of Senator Jones and his staff). This is my list of the possible sins:
1. Tubby had a illegal Mexican liaison/paramour back in 1988 for four weeks.
2. Tubby hung out in college with two British gay guys....never aware that they were British or gay.
3. Tubby will be accused of plastic surgery being done, on five different occasions (one of which was to lessen butt-fat).
4. Tubby's third-cousin (on his dad's side) got drunk in New Orleans and married a distant cousin back in the 1980s. Tubby was the best man, but doesn't remember much of anything other than he missing his socks the next day and had gotten a University of Alabama elephant mascot tattoo on his back while in this drunken stage.
5. Tubby has a secret passion for Salsa music and dancing.
6. Tubby got cut-up in a knife fight in Memphis back in 1993, arguing over Alabama-Auburn games with a black dude named Corvis. They later became best friends, and attended rattlesnake church meetings over at Sand Mountain, Alabama.
7. Tubby smuggled French perfume into the US in the 1990s that was untaxed.
8. Tubby has admitted behind closed doors that he's an idiot on college football, and he's been faking his abilities for over thirty years. He admits along the way that he knows more about Briggs and Stratton lawn mower engines....than football.
9. Tubby's dating history includes some Florida woman who was 16 years older than him, and a nutty Okoloana, Mississippi gal who felt she was half-demon, half-Indian warrior princess and half-Dolly Parton.
10. Finally, Tubby will be revealed as a warlock-demon-unnatural guy.
In the midst of all these accusations....some Alabama folks will turn to Jones and ask if he has ever done anything exciting like Tubby, and he'll admit 'no'. That will be the point where most folks turn to vote for Tubby.
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