Wednesday 23 May 2012

A Bain Capital Commercial

It's just something silly to think about.  What if?

In this imaginary world....around 2008....some Bain Capital guys walked into Solyndra and bought them out completely...ahead of their campaign kiss-up to the Obama team, thus avoiding a handshake deal and $535 million (half a billion for simplicity's sake).

On day one, Bain buys the company for a pretty good price....fifty percent less than what their CEO says is their worth.

On day two, Bain Capital fires the CEO, and half of the top layer of the management staff.  Nothing personal, but their vision is 180 degrees from reality.

On day five, Bain agrees that the technology is workable, but not in California.  They agree to move the entire plant to Tennessee.  You as an employee, are given this simple offer....come with the plant and get a moving package.  You chose no.....you get a termination notice and two months notice.  You chose yes, and start preparing yourself for Tennessee.

On day sixteen, there's these real estate guys looking over the property in California and willing to pay a fair price.  Bain agrees to sell immediately.

On day twenty, Bain gets some Tennessee state officials to agree to a massive tax relief package, with almost no property tax.  The property that they will be using?  It's all donated by the state....free of charge.  The state even agrees to pave a road and build a parking lot around the new plant....free.

On day thirty, Bain has some Tennessee senator lined up and prepared to give them tax credits in the 2009 budget year.....so they are building and selling solar panels out of Tennessee, with zero federal taxes coming into play.  It's a simple three-line piece that no one even notices in the federal law book.

On day four-hundred, Bain is operating Solyndra at a fair profit.

On day five-hundred, Bain Capital sells their Solyndra operation for $700 million in profit over what they bought the company for.  

The sad thing to this story....Solyndra never gets a chance to squander a half-a-billion from the US government or the tax-payer.

It'd make a great TV commercial.  

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